Imagine you grew up in a strict home. You became intimately acquainted with early curfews, rigid dress codes, and the word “no.” You felt like you only had value when you succeeded—in sports, at school, and in your relationships. Criticisms were frequent and affected you deeply. Maybe someone told you or made you feel like you were never good enough. Maybe you learned to believe there was something wrong with you.

It’s possible that you became angry. It’s also possible that after you left home, when all the pressures and confinements that once fueled your anger disappeared, your anger remained. Perhaps you’re ashamed that you didn’t stand up for yourself or regret that you allowed someone to hurt you so much. You carry the past on your back, introducing it to new friends and carving out a place for it in each new home.

When worries and pain from long ago linger unresolved, visions of the past can overwhelm your sight. You cling tightly to mistakes you’ve made or the things you haven’t done; but you don’t have to. You can choose to end your suffering.

When these dark memories stick to you like velcro, how can you learn to let them go?

Here are 6 ways to let them go

1. Forgive

The truth is, holding on to resentment or shame hurts you more than it hurts anyone else. If you’re holding onto grudges, deciding to let them go can set you free. Forgiveness doesn’t require inviting a toxic relationship back into your life; forgiveness means tearing down an old building that just isn’t working anymore and planting a garden in its place. Once you forgive others and forgive yourself, you can start to flourish.

2. Change how you think about the past

Your past is the story you tell yourself about yourself. If you’re having trouble letting go, it could be that whatever you’re holding onto is acting as a tent pole when it comes to how you think about yourself. Rather than pretending that something didn’t happen, reassign its importance to a happier event. Rather than wishing you could change something you once did, ask yourself what you learned from the experience.

3. Let it out

The word “closure” pops up a lot during break-ups and other upheavals, and for good reason: if you’re not there to see the ribbon break, it can act as a phantom tether pulling you back in over and over again. Give yourself time to process a disappointment. Grieve your losses. After a good cry, you might feel more ready to let them go.

4. Focus on what you can control

Sometimes when you’re overwhelmed by particular regrets and worries, it’s hard to let them go because you’re powerless to do anything about the past. Continually turning back to the past will only increase your frustration. Try diverting your attention to what you do have control over, whether that’s who you spend your time with or what you have for dinner.

5. Practice compassion

When you think about your anger and your worries, maybe there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to let them go. You might feel like you’re squeezing your eyes shut to keep from looking ahead. While opening up again can be very difficult, especially toward the people or events that hurt you, compassion is a powerful tool in tearing down even the most resistant walls.

6. Shift your thoughts

If you find yourself dwelling too often on your regrets or anger, try replacing them with happier thoughts. You could find that it isn’t actually the target of your worry or regret that’s keeping you in the past—it’s a pattern of negative thinking. Over time, those happier pathways might be the ones you walk down all the time.