Complaining can spur a positive change in your life when it leads you to problem solve. A healthy, productive complaint to your partner about your shared list of chores can boost your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re behind the wheel of your own life.

Complaining is unhealthy when it doesn’t get results. Talking to a stranger in an elevator about an unfair work deadline or calling up a friend when your spouse upsets you will likely leave you feeling just as aggravated as before. You might find yourself voicing your frustration to whoever will listen, reliving the helplessness and anger every time.

You can probably tell when your complaints have turned into whining, but talking about your frustration sometimes seems like the only thing you can do. So how can you learn to use complaining to your advantage—and ditch whining when you know it won’t help?

6 steps to complain for positive change

1. Don’t just vent

Venting might feel good in the moment, especially when the person you’ve turned to validates your frustration. Unfortunately, venting can quickly become a cycle of voicing and re-experiencing your anger. Instead of working toward positive change or letting the complaint go, you can end up holding on to it for so long that it begins to pollute your outlook.

So don’t just vent—do something!

2. Complain when you want to make a positive change

The big difference between complaining and whining is knowing when you’ll actually work to change what upset you. If you’re upset with a customer service agent you just spoke to on the phone, productive complaining would mean letting the business know about your bad experience. If you’re upset, ask if you’re willing to work to change what upset you. If it’s not worth the work, it’s probably not worth whining about either.

3. Don’t stay quiet to avoid a hassle

It often sounds like an unnecessary hassle to pick up the phone and complain about bad service you received. “It won’t change anything,” you might think. You anticipate more frustration, not resolution. The same might be true of conflicts at home. You’re upset with your partner but talking about it with a friend is much easier.

If something has upset you enough that you feel like you need to be heard, don’t always choose to avoid the hassle. Even if you make only a small positive change, it can be really validating to have your frustration acknowledged by someone who was involved.

4. Avoid blame

How you complain to others has an effect on how well the issue gets resolved. When you speak up just to let someone else know you’re angry, it’s not much different than venting. Speak up when you want to make a change. Instead of blame, acknowledge another person’s motivations and difficulties. Ask what you can do to help.

5. Think big picture

You might find yourself complaining about minor annoyances that pop up throughout the day. Maybe you’re upset that your favorite restaurant is out of your usual order. Maybe a traffic light on the way to work stays red for a little bit too long. When you’re complaining, take a step back and ask what the significance of your frustration really is. If it’s not a big deal, let it go. Complaining about the little things can leave you feeling negative and helpless.

6. Get to work

If you’ve complained about something enough times, it might be time to just get your hands dirty. Frustrated by a perpetually cluttered garage? Clean it out! Unproductive complaining can sometimes lead you to take a passive role in situations you really do have control over.