You know how it is.

All we want to do is the thing we’ve been wanting to do!

But, after much contemplation, meditation, and rumination, we don’t. Again.

What is the deal?

Well, to be honest, change is hard. No matter how many resolutions we make, we often get in our own way. Our current self sabotages our future self. Who we are right now complicates who we want to be.

Filled with all of our emotions, our habits, and hang-ups, we seem to actively do things that shortchange the changes we want to make. And, soon, we lose faith in our ability to do what we need to for the sake of our goals.

So, what’s the solution? Where do you look? Who do you trust to help you get where you want to go?

The truth is, you still look to yourself. But it’s your future self that must run the show.

Don’t understand?

You will. Let’s consider the science and strategy necessary for changing your life.

Science says: people want to be rewarded…now

Okay, it’s no surprise that we want what we want. We claim to want things in the future like lost pounds, career success, or lasting love, but, instead, we often grab for the immediate goodies like the snooze button and fast food, job security and a lateral move, or the safety of singleness or a so-so relationship. We live for the “right now” rush of feel-good chemicals that wars with self-control.

In the 1960s, researcher George Ainslie defined this tendency as “delay discounting.”

Essentially, when faced with a choice, the short-term reward seems better. Of course, we quickly recognize our mistake and kick ourselves for giving in.

Still, just because we’re naturally wired this way doesn’t mean we’re stuck.

Future focus facilitates change

Modern science has often relied on the premise that change lies in strengthening our willpower, as though it were some sort of mental muscle to build up. But there seems to be more to it than that. Beyond engaging in an ongoing fight against our impulses or trying to adhere to unfamiliar habits or routines, we can project our minds into the future.

In fact, the key to changing your life seems linked to actually being able to keenly identify with your future self. The “you” who has already attained what you want now.

Researchers say that mentally seeing and connecting with a down-the-road version of yourself (one that has done the appropriate work and lives contentedly and continuously rewarded by those efforts) is extremely motivating. When you do this, you are more easily able to bypass the pleasure of momentary indulgences for the potential, lasting satisfaction of the future.

However, this only works if you trust yourself to get the work done.

Learn to Trust your future self to change your current self

Failure often results from the idea that you simply don’t have what it takes to win.

“I’m not good at working out.”

“I suck at organizing client presentations.”

“I’m not interested in the whole dating scene.”

These statements set you up to sink rather than swim. There’s no room in your mind to think of yourself as changeable. When you believe you will ultimately mess up anyway you will not make a move to string together successes that get you to your goal.

Changing habits, addressing impulses, pushing through? It all seems pointless if you believe you won’t be able to overcome your missteps to put together a winning streak.

Don’t lose heart! The beauty of focusing on your future self is that you can trust its credibility. That version of yourself is already a realized success in your mind!

To be confident in your future self and trust it to guide you to that changed place, you must string together small forward-moving successes over time. As you do this, you’ll trust yourself more and recognize your future self coming into reality. The winner in you will become more apparent and the fails of the past will no longer hold you back.

So, step one is to give yourself a task. Something small and completely attainable. A walk around the block. A daily appointment with yourself to review work materials. Take 10 minutes to primp in front of the mirror.

Accomplishing those little steps toward future health, career, or dating success and self-confidence will show your current self that your future self is in charge now. You can do this with any life-change. As you add and accomplish attainable goals, more goals will feel attainable.

Changing your life can become a challenge you anticipate. And soon, your present and future selves will enjoy the rewards you’ve always dreamed of.