Relationships don’t always go smoothly. After the honeymoon phase is over, many couples start to see issues pop up in their relationship. And these issues, unfortunately, can sometimes mean the end of the pairing before it even really had a chance to begin. But why is this?

In general, problems within a relationship begin to emerge due to one key component—communication. You always hear about how important communication is, especially regarding relationships. Even though most people understand communication is important, many don’t know how to communicate with one another effectively.

Even for couples who have been together for a long time, communication is something that most have to constantly and consistently work on. In fact, it’s typical for couples to stop communicating with one another altogether as the relationship goes on. Whereas once you had long conversations, now you are just making small talk with one another.

Let’s talk about tips for improving your communication in the relationship.

1. Check-In With Each Other Emotionally

“How was your day?”

“Fine, how was yours?”

“It was okay, I guess.”

*crickets*

Does this sound familiar? For many couples, this is the foundation of what becomes their conversations. While at times, we may only have time to talk generally, in the long term, conversations like this aren’t great. When you aren’t regularly opening up about what made your day challenging or hard and how it affected you emotionally, your partner isn’t going to know what’s truly going on in your mind. Make an effort to go deeper than just the basics; it can help you feel close to your partner in a meaningful way.

2. Be Honest, But Not Cruel

If something is bothering you, try not to keep it bottled up. But that doesn’t mean to explode or be mean about it. If you are bothered by something your partner did (or didn’t) do or say, let them know. And remember to use “I” statements vs. “you” statements. “It really bothers me that you didn’t say how long you were going to be out of the house” versus “You never tell me what you are doing or where you are going” sends very different vibes.

3. Listen, Don’t Just Speak

Communication is a two-way road. It involves more than just speaking but actually listening to what the other person is saying. When we argue with our partners, we are often laser-focused on expressing our feelings or viewpoints. It’s sometimes easy, through our frustrations, to forget about their view. Hearing the tone of their voice, the things they aren’t saying, and trying to understand their viewpoint can really go a long way in a relationship. Understanding, even if you disagree with it, can help couples communicate more easily.

4. Share Responsibilities

A huge thing couples fight over is shared household responsibilities. Often, this is just because of a lack of communication on what the other person is doing. It may seem elementary, but create a list or board of what each person is responsible for in the house. Having this visible to both people can save the frustration of feeling like one person is doing more than the other.

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Try Counseling

I understand if you don’t want to bring another party into your relationship. It’s challenging to admit to an outside source that there are issues within a relationship. But no couple, and I don’t care who they are, is perfect. No relationship is without flaws or faults. They all will inevitably have issues that arise.

Whether you are going through a specific problem or are just looking to improve your intimacy, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can work to find solutions to your problems with couples counseling.