There is a lot to worry about in this world. And for those who struggle with anxiety, it can be even more so, especially if you’re a parent.
Of course, you don’t want your child to stress or worry about anything. After all, you know how hard it can be to live with anxiety day after day. But what if you’re inadvertently transferring your anxiety to them?
How you role model your response to anxiety can make a big difference. Those moments are opportunities to show them how they can handle similar situations in their own lives.
Consider four tips to help you prevent transferring your anxiety to your kids.
1. Talk to Your Child About Their Worries
It helps to talk to your child about their worries and fears. Every child has them, even the most chill kid. Granted, their worries may not be the same as your anxieties, but that doesn’t make them any less real to them.
Start by talking to your child about what they are thinking and listening to what they have to say. And avoid trying to placate them by saying, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” or something similar. This sends the message that their worries don’t matter or that they should just ignore their feelings.
It also doesn’t help with preventing the transfer of your anxiety. Rather, listen intently and avoid the knee-jerk reaction to try to “fix” the problem.
2. Let Them Have Some Challenging Experiences
Every parent wants their child to be happy, successful, and without any burdens. That’s why you might be tempted to shield them from situations where they might struggle a little.
Of course, you don’t want them to go through experiences that are not age-appropriate. Yet, having to face some difficult experiences, where they must find ways to cope with stress and anxiety, can be helpful. The key to their success is you.
For instance, your child might experience anxiety or stress at school. So, at home, you can coach them on how to handle those situations, as well as the emotions that come with them. By using those moments as teaching tools, you can help your child learn lessons that will be useful in later years.
3. Be Open and Honest With Your Child
Kids are very adept at knowing when their parents say one thing but mean something else entirely. They pick up on your tone of voice, body language, and the expression in your eyes. Because they are so attuned to you, they will know if you are saying “don’t worry” even if you’re not saying it out loud.
To prevent unintentionally transferring your anxiety to your child in that way, take a different approach. Be honest with them about what you are feeling (age-appropriate). Of course, you certainly don’t want to emotionally unload on them. However, you can still be honest.
For example, your child has noticed you have cut back on spending, and it worries them. Instead of telling them that there’s nothing to worry about, you could say: “Mommy and Daddy are trying to save some money right now, but we both love you and each other very much.” You could even ask your child what they could do to help the family (such as chores). That way they feel like they are contributing to a solution.
4. Show Them How to Face Adversity
Most importantly, be a role model to your child in how to face anxiety and adversity. Let them know it’s okay to feel worried. Everyone gets worried from time-to-time. It’s what we do with those feelings that’s important.
You can role model by:
- Talking to your child about their worries
- Giving them ideas for how to cope
- Being honest about your own worries
- Brainstorming things that you can both do together
- Staying aware of how you act in front of them when confronted with anxiety or worry
Of course, being a role model requires awareness of your own reactions and feelings. When you don’t push your worries aside but consciously and thoughtfully deal with the situation, you can teach your child a powerful lesson.
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Even if you think you are a master at portraying a strong and confident attitude to your child, they will know otherwise. To prevent transferring your anxiety to them, there are several things that you can do. Children are more resilient than you realize, even when it comes to stress.
If you’re struggling with anxiety and are wondering if you’re inadvertently transferring your worries to your child, please contact me to find out how anxiety treatment could help.
