It sounds counterintuitive, but there are pitfalls to being in a committed relationship.

How can that be?

Isn’t being in a relationship considered to be the ideal situation in our society? Yes, that’s true to an extent. However, what’s at issue are the relationship challenges that we just don’t talk about.

Most people only consider the positive and happy aspects of relationships. What they don’t do (or rarely do) is reflect on the pitfalls of a shared life.

That’s a problem because, when these issues do come up, you are less prepared to adequately cope with them.

Let’s take a look at these common pitfalls for committed relationships a where to turn when things get hard:

Unequal Distribution of Responsibilities

One issue that often comes up is an unequal distribution of responsibilities between couples. Housework and chores certainly fall into this category. Another is obligations linked to raising the children. What often happens is that one partner takes on more of the child care responsibilities than the other early on. That can be an ongoing problem because, over time, the partner who takes on more tasks may feel significantly burdened and resentment towards the other. Resentment is a relationship challenge that can be hard to overcome.

Money Habits that Undermines the Committed Relationship

Another common problem confronting those in a committed relationship are differences over money. Perhaps your partner is very serious about budgets and spending, while you are not. Or, you hesitate to tell your partner you spent money on something because of their reaction.

Money often divides partners because trust is such an important factor in this area. You have to trust each other to make good decisions when it comes to money. Also, when you are in a committed relationship, you are responsible to each other for budgeting, saving, and discussing expenditures. If your beliefs on money are consistently at odds, this sets you up for repeated conflict.

The Unending Argument

Speaking of conflict, arguing, bickering, and fighting are definitely pitfalls of long-term relationships. of course, even in healthy relationships, it’s not unheard of for couples to have an occasional fight. What becomes problematic is constant conflict or repetitive fighting.

These disagreements tend not to be peak levels of fighting, but rather a lower-level simmer of discord. You feel on edge all the time, just waiting for your partner to jump in with criticism or disagreement. The next thing you know, both of you are yelling at each other or subjecting each other to stony silence. When arguments are unending, they drain all of the joy out of a relationship.

When Things Go Stale

Routine is a threat to any committed relationship. Not because they are a bad thing; we need to create routines in our lives. Work is a great example. We have to get up in the morning, get ready for the workday, then focus on our jobs for the day. This is true whether you leave the house for your work or are working remotely from home. Then, there are routines dedicated to daily household tasks, taking care of the kids, etc.

You get the idea. The problems is, if we aren’t mindful, we can get so involved in these routines that we lose the spark that ignited our relationships. Over time, the relationship goes stale because neither partner does the work to maintain the romance in their relationships.

How to Cope with the Pitfalls of a Committed Relationship

Even the most committed relationship can struggle with these pitfalls of relationships. To cope with these relationship challenges, you need professional support. Therapy can offer the opportunity to identify which relationship pitfalls you are struggling with.

Working together with your therapist, you and your partner can begin healing rifts and setting relationship goals.

As you improve communication skills and your ability to listen, things will likely start to turn around. Continue to remind one another how special and meaningful you are to one another. Counseling is an important first step to that end.

Contact me today to learn more about how couples counseling works and set up a consultation.