You can put a lot of pressure on yourself as a stepparent, especially during the holidays. There’s so much to do and you want everything to be perfect. However, this pressure to make the most of the holidays can cause you to become more of a “Stepparent Scrooge” if you aren’t careful. You may find you are cranky, anxious, and perfectionistic.
Even without the holidays, those emotions can spill over to affect others in your family. The key to addressing this holiday problem? Find ways to relax and de-stress.
Is that even possible during the holidays, especially during a pandemic?! The answer is yes, absolutely.
Practice the Self-Care Basics
Regardless of the time of year, when you are struggling with anxiety and stress, it’s time to start practicing some personal basics. For example:
- Establish a reasonable bedtime and getting enough sleep at night.
- Eat healthy meals and avoiding junk food.
- Incorporate exercise and body movement into your daily routine.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Take it easy on alcohol consumption, avoid drinking altogether if necessary.
- Designate some private time each day.
Hopefully, you have been using some of these strategies already. If not, that’s okay! It’s never too late to adopt a new healthy habit for managing stress.
What to Do with Your Anxious Thoughts
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you have so many anxious thoughts, often at once. To manage this problem, write those thoughts down in one place. There are a couple of objectives for this.
First, you are transferring those thoughts from your mind somewhere else. This has the therapeutic effect of “cleansing” your brain. The other objective is that you can identify what particular problems concern you as a stepparent during the holidays. For example, do the following worry you and affect your attitude or behavior?
- Making sure traditions from both families will be honored.
- Ensuring that the meal will be prepared correctly and on time.
- Getting gifts for everyone on your list.
Make a Plan to Ease Your Tension
To make the most of the holidays, start making a plan for addressing these problems. Literally, write it out, can help you feel more in control. Make each issue a separate heading. Then, use bullet points to specifically address each issue. For example, let’s say you are concerned about making sure that traditions from both families will be honored. Possible action items would include:
- Tal to your partner about traditions their half of the family finds important.
- Chat with the kids. What do they like or want to do?
- If the tradition includes a meal, buy ingredients and practice the recipe ahead of time, etc.
Try to keep your action items to no more than three or four bullet points. Otherwise, the solution will be more overwhelming than the problem!
Involve Others to Make the Most of the Holidays
One reason why people experience stress and anxiety during the holidays is that they put a lot of pressure on themselves to get all the work done. So, the logical answer to this problem is to share the load. Allow others to help you with the work. Delegate tasks in the spirit of cooperation, whether those be running errands or cooking meals.
Besides taking more of the load off your shoulders, involving others has an extra benefit. People feel more included in the holiday and part of the family! They probably already want to help, they just don’t know how.
When it’s Time for Therapy
If you have tried these ideas and are still feeling overwhelmed with the holidays, ask for help. Reach out and talk to a therapist about anxiety counseling and treatment if your role feels uncertain. Many people struggle during the holidays. It doesn’t mean that you are a failure. Rather, you’re human and doing the best that you can. Give yourself a break and seek support this year.
Don’t let the holidays turn you into a “Stepparent Scrooge.” Try the suggestions above for managing anxiety and stress during the holidays. However, if you need more help, please contact me today about the benefits of anxiety treatment.
