You’re experiencing arguments, resentment, and hurt feelings. The relationship is struggling, and you both know it. Yet, you don’t feel it’s over. You both want to make amends and find a way to move forward. But how? A big part of the answer is to employ the idea of relationship repair.
What Does Relationship Repair Look Like?
Think of your relationship like a car. When things are not working, you get that feedback pretty quickly! The dash indicator light comes on, or suddenly you find yourself coaxing a sputtering vehicle to the side of the road.
Just as you would take steps to diagnose and repair your vehicle, so can you also repair your relationship. Here are several ways how.
Spend Time Together More Often
If you know that your relationship is struggling, the first place to look is how often you are spending time together. Many modern couples find themselves booked solid throughout the week. This is true for both individuals and couples. For instance, are you
- juggling work schedules?
- taking care of your kids or elderly parents?
- balancing all of the other obligations life throws your way?
The result is that neither of you has very much time or energy left for each other. Let alone taking the time needed to connect and deepen your relationship. Therefore, something you can both do is take back some time for the two of you. Lean in. No distractions.
Talk to Each Other
This sounds so simple, but oftentimes, when couples struggle with chronic arguing, it’s because there has been a breakdown with communication in general. Therefore, you both need to start talking with one another in meaningful ways. These conversations don’t have to always be about why you’re arguing.
In fact, try to take advantage of these moments. See them as opportunities to get to know each other again. Even if you think that you know your partner very well, remain curious. You may find you are surprised to learn something new.
Acknowledge Your Role in the Arguments
Next, consider what role you play with these arguments. It takes two people to have a fight. That means that you too play into those situations. Are you the instigator? Or, do you consider yourself the victim?
Knowing your role and that of your partners’ will help you better understand how these arguments get started in the first place. Once you have determined your role, make sure to share your thoughts with your partner.
Show Your Affection
Repair attempts mean that you also show signs of affection towards one another. This doesn’t imply sex alone. Although sexual intimacy is one other way for couples to find greater connection, it’s not the only way. There are also those smaller, intimate moments. If you pay attention, you’ll find that they occur each day. Take measures to express your affection and love to your partner. For example:
- a kiss when you come and go can easily reduce tension
- holding hands or reaching out for a soft touch affirms your bond
- reaching out for a hug communicates openness and vulnerability
- sending text messages or making phone calls prioritizes connection and communication
It’s these moments and expressions that remind both of you that you care deeply for one another.
Taking Relationship Repair to the Next Level
There are so many ways that you and your partner can make relationship repairs with one another. However, another component to your strategy should include relationship counseling. Counseling is helpful in that it provides another opportunity to safely communicate with one another and learn how to communicate better. Also, it’s a chance to dive deep into understanding how you both got to this point, and determine what you both can do to improve the relationship.
Every couple experiences arguments or fights. However, if you finding that the fighting is damaging your relationship, then it’s time to start making relationship repair. Try the tips above, don’t hesitate to include couples counseling, and contact me for a consultation soon.
