By talking, we explain thoughts, concepts, feelings, and opinions. We create close connections and deepen relationships. However, real communication can only happen if it goes both ways.
Being a good listener matters just as much as being a good talker. You want to be someone that makes others feel heard and understood.
Why is listening is so important?
Being a good listener is not something many of us are explicitly taught. As children, we were often directed to listen. Yet, it often really meant that we were to obey the command, “Listen!” Depending on your temperament, you likely paid attention or rebelled.
Listening as an adult, for the sake of connection and understanding, is different. It is a way to be present with another person. Listening intently to someone builds rapport. It allows them to provide you with information about themselves, their point of view, and their world. By actively when they speak, you show respect for and appreciation for their thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps you feel you are a good listener. How do you know?
The following can help you determine how well you’ve grasped this vital skill and improve where any gaps exist:
How To Know You’re The Good Listener You Think You Are
Do You Show (Not Tell) That You Are Listening?
Good listeners use their body language to convey interest. You are not distracted and take notice of the other person. You are not on your phone or multitasking. You are engaged with the sharer and respond to verbal and nonverbal cues. You nod and make comfortable eye contact as the other person speaks to let them know that you are following their lead.
Do You Resist Interrupting?
Even if you have something helpful to say, you wait until the talker has finished speaking. Allowing them to communicate their thoughts and feelings is important. You recognize and honor the fact that you can give your advice afterward, at the appropriate time.
Do You Empathize?
A good listener demonstrates compassion and a desire to put themselves in the talker’s position. You imagine feeling the same emotions that they do. You validate the talker and affirm their sentiments so that they feel understood. Regardless of whether you agree, you try to identify with the talker’s situation or depth of emotion and use that to build a stronger connection between you.
Do You Ask Related Questions?
If you’re listening intently, then you can support the talker and keep communication clear by asking relevant questions. Thereby, you demonstrate that you are present and engaged. For their part, they can be certain that you care about them enough to hear them out and think through their perspective.
Do You Make Space For Full Expression?
If you’re a good listener, you recognize the other party’s expressive capability. Some people struggle to communicate. Some feel so passionately about a topic that it takes time to adequately share their thoughts. They may pause or try to gather their thoughts together for several moments. They may ask to take a break before restarting your conversation. This is not an opportunity to hurry them up or interject. Waiting patiently conveys that you want to hear all they want to express rather than compete to be heard.
Do You Leave the Conversational Door Open?
Even after you’ve listened and the floor is yours, do you invite further discussion? If you do your best to invite honesty sharing that supports a sense of ongoing emotional safety and curiosity you’re doing well. Leaving a conversation thinking about the other party as a person you want to learn more about indicates that your listening skills are sound.
Sometimes Our Listening Skills Need a Tweak
We find fulfillment in the way we relate to others. Therapy can help you improve in areas that need a bit of work. A little guidance regarding your listening skills can reap monumental rewards in your relationships. I’m here to help. Please read more about relationship counseling and reach out for a consultation soon.
