Life can be very stressful for most of us. It can get on top of us and wear us down. One of the ways you may deal with stressful or tense situations is by trying to control them. This can help you feel a sense of balance and support your ability to find solutions.
As a result, you may try to control many aspects of your life. Yet, this can cause a host of problems and friction in your relationships, friendships, and various other parts of your day-to-day life.
Why Do We Become Controlling?
Being controlling is not a trait many people are proud of, so why do it?
For many, controlling behavior is a result of deep anxiety. For others, a personality disorder may be an issue. In either case, losing control and not being in charge can make them feel vulnerable and anxious.
If you suffer from an anxiety or personality disorder, you may feel an even deeper need to control your environment to feel stress-free and at peace. For example, people with OCD often struggle to relax or calm down until they have completed their rituals.
Unfortunately, being a controlling person is not often enjoyable for those around you, as this can cause problems and rifts in relationships.
Do People Call You Controlling?
If people call you controlling, this may have come as a shock to you. “Controlling” is a word with many negative connotations. Most of us do not want to be associated with being bossy or a bully.
Being labeled this way can feel like a personal attack, but it’s important to take a step back. Try to understand why you’re being perceived this way. Maybe you have become too heavy-handed or restrictive with others. Do you struggle with not being in charge of every situation? Perhaps these signs will help you determine if your anxiety is getting the better of you.
6 Signs That You Are Too Controlling
Often, being controlling means having extremely high expectations for yourself and others. Are you a perfectionist in all aspects of your life? Perhaps you struggle to accept it when things do not go your way. Maybe you dislike change. Some of the main signs of perfectionistic control are:
- You need to know what’s happening; including when and how it’ll happen. All plans, locations, schedules, or relationship expectations are directed by you.
- You struggle with emotional regulation and self-control when things don’t go according to plan.
- You can be overly critical of others if they do not meet your expectations.
- You’re pushy and tend to micro-manage other people.
- You feel agitated, disrespected, and upset when your plans aren’t accepted or followed.
- You do not trust people easily.
How To Challenge Your Anxiety
To manage this behavior, you must learn to challenge your thoughts and face your fears. Try to ask yourself what you are afraid of and why these things upset you. If something doesn’t go your way, try to think:
- What’s the worst thing that could happen?
- Why does it terrify you that you can’t control the situation?
- How does this impact you?
- What are the chances that this is as bad as you think it is?
- Are you catastrophizing, focused only on unlikely worst-case scenarios?
Sometimes, when we take a step back and question our fears, we realize we are not in danger and that our anxious thoughts aren’t really supported by the facts.
Loosening The Grip
While the desire for control is appealing, the cost is often much too high. When you hold onto control too tightly, it can cost you your relationships, your time, and your peace. If you struggle with being too controlling, anxiety therapy can help you loosen your grip and embrace life’s uncertainties. I’m here to help. Please reach out to set up an appointment, I can help you address the areas in your life you are trying so hard to control.
