Relationships can take a lot of work, time, and effort, especially in the initial stages. It can take months or even years to get to know someone through and through. it’s exciting and interesting to learn their quirks, likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and habits. 

During this process, a relationship only goes from strength to strength. As time passes, however, there is less to find out about your partner. You know their daily routine and you may even finish each other’s sentences without even trying. It happens the longer you are in a relationship, even the stronger your relationship becomes. 

Still, the more secure and comfortable we become, often the more complacent we can become as well. 

So, what does complacency mean, what are the signs that someone is complacent, and how can you keep complacency from creeping into your relationship? Read on to find out.

What Is Complacency?

Complacency happens in a relationship when partners feel they’ve overcome or bypassed most relationship tests and hurdles. Things start to stall a bit and they no longer have to make an effort or try as hard to keep the relationship healthy and growing.

It may manifest itself as ‘letting yourself go’ physically, emotionally, and/or relationally. You may find that neither of you is trying hard to impress or keep your connection fresh or inviting. It’s as if you and your partner are operating on relationship cruise control.

What Does Complacency In A Relationship Look Like?

Complacency often happens naturally and subtly. Do you recognize any of these signs of complacency?

• Saying ‘I love you’ often but in a habitual or absent-minded way. When it is said all the time or mindlessly, it can lose impact. 
• Lowered your standards concerning physical health and appearance. Knowing that your partner loves you unconditionally, can lead to little effort made in this regard.
• Sex, date nights, or spending quality time is on the back burner. You may feel bored or settled, which can create an indifferent distance between you and your partner.

So, how can you prevent such complacency?

How To Keep Complacency From Creeping Into Your Relationship

If you’re unsure whether you are complacent in your relationship, you need to ask yourself a few key questions: 

• Would you want to date yourself right now? How can you be a better partner?
• Have you been actively supporting your partner’s feelings and emotions?
• Do you show your partner just how much you care and how much they mean to you?
• Do your actions show your partner how you feel about them?

If you answered  ‘no’ to most or all of these questions, then you may have become complacent. What’s next? Actively take measures to ensure that you and your partner are feeling loved and appreciated in your relationship.

To prevent complacency, start taking paying attention to each other again.

• Notice and compliment your partner. This does not always have to be about their physical appearance, as it could be that they made you a delicious meal, or tell them that you are grateful for them looking after you, or for helping you in some way. Make sure that their efforts are recognized and valued.
• Engage in the relationship by being curious about your partner. It’s easy to assume that you know all there is to know about each other. Ask questions, ask if there are changes in their thoughts and feelings about things you thought you knew.
• Make sure that you are appreciative. Beyond telling them how much they mean to you, actively show them. Be grateful for your partner and what you have together. Imagine your life without them, and how unhappy you would be if you didn’t have them in your life.
• Break up your routine. Try something novel or simply go to a new place for dinner to shake things up.  This can help you focus on your partner in a fresh way and create a renewed sense of closeness in your relationship.

Finally…

Complacency is common in long-term relationships. It can happen to the best of us. As relationships progress, it isn’t unusual for partners to become more secure and comfortable. Unfortunately, this can lead to a loss of interest in each other. 

If you want your relationship to remain strong and secure, it’s crucial to stave off complacency by infusing novelty and stoking mutual curiosity again. Sessions with a couples therapist can help you find ways to keep things engaging and exciting. I’m here to help.