It’s a Saturday night, and you’re getting ready for a date. You started seeing someone new recently, and you can’t help but feel excited not only for the prospect of what is to come but for getting yourself out there again. From the time we are teenagers, we are wrapped up in this game of dating. This wonderful, sometimes heartbreaking, world of dating and being romantically involved with someone. As you get ready, you can’t help but notice something happening inside you. Your internal monologue sounds off with, “Am I feeling butterflies right now? Or am I nervous? No, it’s butterflies. Maybe.”

The truth is, anxiety when you are dating someone new is really common. And so, while it could be butterflies over this new person, there’s a genuine possibility that you are also a little anxious. Here are five ways to calm dating anxiety.

1. Positive Self-talk

We’re often our own worst enemies. We talk down on ourselves, and our anxiety convinces us that we will mess up and won’t be as witty as we want to be. Or we will stutter during a story. Or maybe we’ll mess that first kiss up. But maybe we might…

Breathe.

You can listen to yourself say any of these things, or you can counteract them. Remind yourself that you are funny and that, truthfully, everyone sometimes stumbles over their own words. When you start being more kind to yourself, your anxiety won’t even have a chance to affect you.

2. Remember, They Are Probably Nervous Too

Unless you are dating a superhuman who does not get nervous, chances are, they are likely a little on edge too. Sometimes, all you have to do is to remind yourself that they are going to be a little nervous too. They want to make a good impression as well. They might feel anxious about how things will play out. They are, after all, human too.

3. Tell Stories About Your Life

It’s one of your first dates with this person. So you feel nervous about trying to disclose too much about yourself right away. Understandable. But you don’t have to dive into the big stuff immediately if you don’t want to. But when you have dating anxiety, you might be tempted not to share anything.

You don’t need to talk about the big things right away. Tell them a story about you and your best friend. You can share who you are by sharing special memories of past experiences. Let the truth naturally unfold, and dive deeper if and when you feel comfortable.

4. Trust Your Instinct

We can feel anxious over dating, in general. But if you are feeling anxious, more than normal, about someone specific, you might want to take a listen to your gut. Sometimes, we try to force something that really isn’t there. Just for the sake of saying we are dating. You’ll often know right away if you think someone is the right fit for you, even in the short term. If you have any warning signals that seem off, listen to them. This can help ease your anxiety in the long term over dating by just trusting your gut.

5. Remember, Always be Yourself

We all want to make a good first impression. But that isn’t sustainable when the image and version of yourself you are showing this new person isn’t true. If you are changing yourself to fit the mold of who you think they will like, then they aren’t the right person for you. Period. This will help you feel less anxious by knowing that you are putting your best foot forward while still remaining true to yourself.

Dating can be an incredibly anxious experience, but that doesn’t mean it needs to stay this way. If you are ready to begin, reach out to see how anxiety therapy can help you overcome anything that is in your path. I can help you make this process a little easier.