It’s common for most couples to struggle with communication. Whether you’ve been together for a few months, a few years, or a decade, it’s something that every couple, at every phase of their relationship, will have to learn to do. But opening up about your relationship is challenging. You don’t want to hurt their feelings if something is bothering you. But you also don’t want to keep things bottled up when you struggle with something. You could be hesitant to mention something because you are afraid it will become another argument.
Sometimes the smallest things in a relationship can turn into an argument. You don’t understand why it happens, but it’s very frustrating when it does. Consequently, learning to communicate better with your partner is crucial, especially when the relationship needs to be addressed.
5 Ways to Talk to Your Partner About Your Relationship
1. Listen With Your Ears…and Eyes
Most people assume that successful communication only involves talking. That’s not the case at all. Communication is also about listening to what your partner is saying. Not just hearing the words but understanding the place they are coming from. Essentially, you need to read between the lines.
And it also includes picking up on what they aren’t saying. The non-verbal cues can also say more about what is happening to them. What is their body language saying? Are they crossing their arms? Do they seem fidgety? Are they avoiding eye contact with you?
2. Don’t Assume They Know What You Are Thinking Or Feeling
We often know our partners better than anyone else. But, that doesn’t mean we have an all-knowing sense of what is going through their minds. That is the same for them. It’s common for most couples to assume that their partner should just know what is going on. It would be nice (well, not in all cases) if we could read each other’s minds. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible. This makes learning to open up to one another all the more important.
If you are feeling frustrated with something, don’t assume your partner is picking up on this. When you don’t verbally let them know what is happening, it can sometimes manifest itself in a passive-aggressive way. Then they don’t understand why you are acting differently towards them.
3. Notice Your Use Of “I,” “You,” and “We”
Having a conversation is more than just talking. You should pay attention to how many times you use the words “I,” “you,” or “we.” Why? Using many “I” statements implies that the conversation is fully about you, not your life as a couple. Alternatively, if you use the word “you” a lot, it can be accusatory.
Using all these words is fine, especially “I” statements when expressing your feelings. Just be sure that you also take into factor their point of view or feelings.
4. Be Honest With Them, But Not Cruel
There’s a fine line between being honest with someone and not being cruel. You should be honest with them when struggling with something in the relationship. But you can do it in a way that is not cruel or mean. Sometimes that is hard to do, especially when we are frustrated and just want to get our words out. Instead of spilling out your thoughts, take some time before you say them. Think about what you feel and how you can say it in a way that is true to you but not mean.
5. Try Couples Counseling
In a relationship, sometimes you need extra support. There is nothing wrong with admitting that right now, you don’t know how to communicate with your partner about the relationship. Couples counseling can help you learn to talk to your partner, and I would love to help you get there. Contact me when you are ready.
