Realizing that you are in a codependent relationship can be a complete shock. After all, you thought that the relationship that you had was normal. Maybe you recognize the signs of codependency because your partner is very dependent or controlling. Or perhaps you suspect that you are the partner causing a strain on the relationship because of codependency.

Regardless of which partner is exhibiting the primary signs of codependency, you might doubt whether your relationship can ever be healthy or without conflict. While no relationship is perfect or without qualms, a codependent relationship usually means that deeper issues lie within the relationship or individuals.

While learning to deal with codependency in a healthier manner can feel daunting, it is definitely not impossible. Here are five beginning steps you can take to begin overcoming codependency.

1. Start By Setting Boundaries

One of the first signs of a codependent relationship is when there are no boundaries. Admittedly, learning to set boundaries in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, can sometimes be really hard. Especially when a person is more passive or more likely to be a people pleaser.

Boundaries, however hard they may be, are necessary for the health of relationships. Instead of looking at a boundary as saying “no” to others, look at it as saying “yes” to yourself. Some quick ways to begin setting boundaries are to stand up for yourself, express when you are uncomfortable, and learn to say no.

2. Learn To Put Your Needs First

If you are in a codependent relationship, chances are, you are always putting your partner’s needs before your own. A great way to overcome this is to learn to put yourself first again. Learning to focus on yourself and not on someone else is not selfish. It’s one of the greatest forms of self-care you can give. While there is always a lot of emphasis on taking care of everyone else, there seems to be less prioritizing ourselves when the need is there.

3. Don’t Let Your Relationship Define You

When we are in relationships, we become part of a unit. Everything we do and everywhere we go typically turns into “we” and not “I.” And while there isn’t much better than spending as much time as possible with your partner, it shouldn’t come at the cost of losing yourself.

Your relationship does not define who you are. It may be a large part of who you are, but you are so much more than that. Maybe you have become so enmeshed with your partner and their activities and hobbies that you no longer take time to focus on your own. Start small by getting back into the things you once enjoyed doing but don’t spend nearly as much time on anymore.

4. Talk To Your Partner

We’re all guilty of doing this. We keep things bottled up and not addressed, as if ignoring the problem will automatically make it go away. Unfortunately, that is very rarely the case. Ignoring things won’t magically make them disappear or resolve on their own. If you suspect that codependency is a large part of your relationship, start by talking to your partner. Bring up your concerns about the relationship being out of balance.

5. Try Couples Counseling

It’s not easy to admit when you are in a codependent relationship. However, just because you are does not mean the end of the relationship. Instead, you just need help breaking the patterns that have been set.

Couples counseling can help you stop the cycle of dependency by learning to overcome it and setting boundaries and realistic expectations. Reach out to me soon so I can help you both find the path forward.