No relationship is perfect. It takes effort from both partners to make their relationship work. It’s a balancing act of giving and taking, effective communication, understanding, trust, honesty, and so much more.
We all come with differences in our personalities. But nothing can make a couple feel more divided than when one partner has ADHD, but the other does not. This can be a very frustrating experience for both partners who are just trying to make it through life, feeling as if they are seen and understood by their partner.
While ADHD is more widely recognized as being a disorder that impacts children and teens, it is also something that adults deal with.
Here are just a few of the ways that ADHD can impact adult relationships.
ADHD and Its Effect On Relationships
Organization
Couples already argue about household responsibilities regularly. When one partner has ADHD, but the other does not, this is even more true.
Having ADHD makes it hard for someone to stay organized. They may struggle with keeping the house tidy, cleaning up after themselves or children, or finding good “homes” for everything. They see messes and clutter as overwhelming, just like the rest of us do. But, their brains cannot process this mess and translate it into productive time organizing. They are also not able to typically focus for long periods of time or multi-task.
Tip: Create an organizational system that feels good to both of you. Create a schedule where one of you vacuums the house while the other dusts. The next day, one of you should do laundry while the other unloads the dishwasher. Dividing chores up this way can help the household remain tidy while giving the person with ADHD a set task for them to focus on.
Forgetfulness
Everyone forgets things from time to time. If your partner has ADHD, you likely have noticed they seem especially forgetful or struggle to stick with commitments. They aren’t doing this to attack you personally; forgetfulness just comes with the territory. And trust us, they are just as frustrated by their experience of being unable to remember conversations, dates, appointments, or social plans.
Tip: Instead of getting frustrated at each other, create a shared calendar system to help them out. Whether it is a physical calendar in the kitchen or a shared calendar app on your phone, they will appreciate the effort you take to recognize that remembering things isn’t second nature to them.
Impulsivity
One area that many adults with ADHD struggle with is impulse control. Someone with ADHD might struggle with things like spending habits, spontaneous trips, or not informing their partner of a big decision.
This one can be a little harder to tackle as a couple. But, if you are a partner who doesn’t have ADHD, it can help you to understand that this is something that many people who struggle with ADHD face. They aren’t doing it to upset you, and it’s not that they don’t care about involving you. They just view the decision-making process differently.
Emotional Regulation & Communication Issues
Arguments can get heated pretty quickly in a relationship. When faced with confrontation, many people with ADHD will feel as if they are being directly attacked or ridiculed. This can lead them to go on the defensive, causing them to say whatever is on their mind instead of thinking of how it comes across.
They might feel as if you just spring things on them, and they might struggle with finding the best moment to bring up their issues.
Tip: Take a step back from each other to cool down. Taking deep breaths in and out in a separate room can help both of you regulate your emotions and tackle whatever caused the argument to begin from a more peaceful face.
The ultimate tip of them all: Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy. It can help you both learn to communicate with one another more effectively.
