You know that feeling when you try your hardest but still come up short? When you put everything you’ve got into achieving a goal but still miss the mark somehow? Failing or feeling like you’re underperforming is the worst. It can leave you feeling deflated and doubting yourself. But failure happens to all of us, and you don’t have to let it get you down for long. 

Why You Feel Like a Failure

The reasons we feel like failures are often complex, but identifying them is the first step to overcoming them.

You’re Too Hard On Yourself

Many of us hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and feel like anything short of perfection is a failure. Learn to accept that you’re human — you’ll make mistakes, have flaws, and be imperfect. Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and be kind to yourself.

You Tie Your Self-Worth To Outcomes

You’ll always feel lacking if you base your self-esteem on external measures of success, such as a job promotion, income, or winning a competition. Your worth isn’t defined by what you achieve or acquire. Connect with the qualities you value in yourself that have nothing to do with performance or status.

You Have an All-or-Nothing Mindset

If you can’t do something exceptionally well, then you may as well not do it at all. This mindset sets you up for feelings of failure. Learn to value progress over perfection. Start small and build up from there. Halfway success is better than no success at all.

You Fear Failure More Than You Want Success

For some, the fear of failing, of not being good enough, paralyzes them from really going after their goals and dreams. However, failure is often a prerequisite for success. Take risks, leave your comfort zone, learn from your failures, and let go of perfectionism. 

Moving Forward After Failure: Tips to Build Resilience

Failure is inevitable in life, but how you respond to it defines your character. When failure strikes, it’s normal to feel disappointed or inadequate. But don’t let those feelings consume you. Here are some tips to build your resilience and come out the other side stronger:

• Accept that failure is a part of life. Everyone experiences setbacks from time to time. See your failure as an opportunity to grow, not a reflection of your self-worth. Learn from your mistakes and use them to improve for next time.
• Maintain a positive self-image. Don’t let one failure define you. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and the times you have succeeded. Be kind to yourself — you are more than one perceived “failure.”
• Practice positive self-talk. Speak to yourself with encouragement and praise to maintain confidence in yourself and your abilities. Replace negative thoughts with constructive words and confessions.
• Take action. Do something each day, however small, to move yourself forward in a positive direction. Set new goals and make plans to achieve them. Taking action will boost your motivation and shift your mindset from the past to the future. Stay focused on progress rather than perfection. Celebrate small wins along the way.

Maintaining a resilient mindset in the face of failure can become second nature with time and practice. Believe in yourself and your ability to grow stronger through adversity. You have so much potential, and one failure does not change that.

The next time you feel down about not meeting a goal, remember that failure is part of the process. Beating yourself up will get you nowhere. Instead, focus on the lessons you can take from the experience. Most of all, have compassion for yourself. You’re only human. There will always be ups and downs when working toward big dreams. Try anxiety treatment today by booking an appointment with us, and we’ll offer perspective.