You’re trying your best to raise your child to become a balanced adult, right?

But how do you go about doing this the right way?

It frightens you to see all too many self-important, conceited, and arrogant people in this world. How can you avoid raising children that become so self-centered?

The opinions that you get from family and friends – and even experts – on what contributes to narcissism in children stand on two opposing sides. Some believe children become egotistic when parents shower them with so much praise that they believe they’re better than the rest of the world. Others think egotism in children develops as a defense reaction due to the lack of warmth and praise from their parents.

Which is the true culprit? Too much praise, or too little?

Too Much or Too Little?

A team of researchers in Psychological and Cognitive Sciences investigated this matter closer to see which opinion is better supported. The study concluded that, although lack of warmth from a parent can cause various other psychological problems for children, parents most often contributed to narcissism in their children by overvaluing them during their developmental stages.

Consider what lessons children learn from observing various ways in which parents overvalue them.

• What are you teaching a young child that lashed out at someone in a flash of anger if all you is reason with him instead of making clear that his behavior was bad?

• What lesson does a toddler learn when you give in to her demands because you fear her throwing a tantrum once again?

• What will children think if you wear yourself out to keep them involved in after school activities at the expense of your own needs?

Directly or indirectly, parents can end up teaching their children that they come first and others are only there to serve them, that they are entitled and superior to others, and that the world owes them something – the seeds of narcissism.

In view of this, what can you do to raise level-headed children that become caring and respectful adults?

Since narcissism in children is cultivated by parental overvaluation, intervention to diminish an egoistic tendency in a child must begin with the parents. Conveying affection and appreciation for children, without making them think they are superior to others, lies at the core of balanced self-esteem.

Of course, striking a balance between correction and commendation isn’t always easy. Some parents fear becoming an authority figure; they would rather just be a friend to their child. But resigning parental authority to young children will only harm them. They need your guidance and direction to build confidence and learn to make good choices. Believe it or not, you are their moral compass, their exemplar.

Guide them with love, consistency, and reasonableness.

• Teach them consideration for other people by helping them to see that others – including you – have needs too, and that some of them come before their needs.

• Instruct them with balance, not by being overly critical, but praising them for real efforts on their part, not simply making them feel good.

• Correct them in a kind way by imposing appropriate consequences for their actions and administering discipline that helps them adjust their behavior.

• Prepare them for the real world by helping them to deal with and learn from the inevitable failures and criticism that are part of life – at home and at work.

Parental overvaluation is certainly not the only root of narcissism in children – like other personality traits, narcissism can be inherited to a degree – but it’s the only source you, the parent, have an influence over. – Do something about it!