The words “all you need is love” were made famous by the Beatles. They conjure up an ideal that love really can bring all of us together.
Yet, when it comes to making relationships work, the question is: Is love really all you need?
The answer is more complex, especially when it comes to meeting the basic needs in a relationship. Of course, love is important, but there are many other aspects that make a relationship survive and thrive, not just love.
Unhappy couples struggle because often they are missing these very important pieces in their relationship. Or perhaps they used to exist but have faded away over time.
Consider then these other critical parts of a relationship.
Managing Money
Managing money may not be something that jumps into your mind when you think about making your romantic relationship work. But one of the most significant areas of conflict in any relationship actually is money.
For example:
- One partner makes more than the other, creating jealousy
- Either one or both partners don’t know how to make a budget
- One partner or both are too eager to spend money
- Neither partner has the ability to save money
If couples are struggling with financial issues there are solutions. Online tools are readily available as well as articles on financial literacy to educate people on money issues. Remember, it’s a skill that you can learn!
Sexual Compatibility
Another important component of a relationship harmony when it comes to sexual matters. Sometimes there is a difference between partners in their sexual preferences. One partner wants to have sex more often than the other. Or one partner feels that sex has become just a chore and that there isn’t any real intimacy.
It’s helpful for couples to make sure they are on the same page when it comes to issues related to intimacy.
Additionally, keep in mind that intimacy is more than sex. It includes all of these little moments and interactions that you have with each other every day to reach out to one another and show your love. A hug or even just hearing the words “I love you” matter a lot.
Attentiveness to Partner’s Needs
When your partner is having a tough day, do you notice? Do you reach out to your partner and ask what’s wrong? How do you offer to support them?
If you are not sure what your answers are to these questions, then it’s time to consider how attentive you are to your partner. When you show interest in your partner’s needs you are reaffirming your commitment to them.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are always going to “solve” the problem. Yet, you can show that you are present and willing to support your partner.
Forgiveness
Yes, “all you need is love” sounds great. Yet, what perhaps matters, even more, is the ability to forgive. If something happens that creates a barrier or gulf between you and your partner, it’s important that you are willing to ask for and accept a request for forgiveness.
When forgiveness doesn’t exist in a relationship, how can there possibly be love? Love is the ability to acknowledge the mistakes of your partner but also to see them as more than those acts alone. Hence, the concept of unconditional love.
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So, is love all you need to make a relationship work? It’s a great slogan. In fact, it’s one that defined a whole generation.
Certainly, all healthy relationships need love, but love is not sufficient on its own. The truth is that there is so much more that’s needed for a relationship to stand the test of time. Unfortunately, many unhappy couples don’t have the tools to meet the basic needs in a relationship.
If that is you, couples counseling can help you acquire the tools you need to find greater relationship satisfaction. Please, contact me or learn more about my approach to couples counseling by clicking on the link.
