So you see it all the time. Emblazoned on magazines for men and women. Promised on talk shows. Peddled in commercials for blue pills or special creams.
The secrets to a better sex life can be yours!
All you need to do is to spice it up, shake it up, or stir it up with the right tips, tricks, and prescriptions.
Or do you?
Of course, we all like a little novelty to keep things fresh and exciting.
But, when it comes to a better sex life, what’s the real key?
Recent science tells us the truth:
It all comes down to whether you and your partner are responsive to each other.
That’s it? That’s right. Be responsive.
So, what does that mean, exactly?
Well, despite what you may think, we’re not talking about responding to each other in bed.
At least not yet.
And it’s not as easy as you’d think. Otherwise, everybody would be doing it and, well, nobody would be reading all those magazines, watching all that TV, and making so many doctors’ appointments.
But you don’t have to worry.
You can learn to be responsive in ways that improve both your relationship and your desire for each other markedly. It just a matter of being more intentional about how you interact with each other.
Responsiveness is really about taking your partner less for granted and truly granting yourselves the awareness and pleasure of each other’s company.
How do you do that?
Essentially, we’re talking about seeing, hearing, and really noticing each other’s everyday needs. A responsive partner takes the time to actually do something about those needs. Much like you did when your relationship was new. People feel close to people who take the time to make them feel good.
Appreciation for such attentive action, or responsiveness, is often shown physically by the other person. (Better sex life initiated already!)
All in all, it’s like this: when you really see and respond to your partner, you become irresistible to them on a deeper level. When you notice and speak to what is happening with him or her, you become a partner, a sharer of their moments and emotions. When you are intentionally present, wholly attentive, exclusively responsive, better sex happens.
Let’s take a closer look at that:
3 Reasons Why Responsiveness is the Key to a Better Sex Life
1. Responsiveness says “You’re special.”
Responsiveness in your relationship validates and values each partner. Which makes you both feel desirable. And when you both feel desirable, you’ll likely feel more willing, comfortable, and even a bit more adventurous in bed.
A recent study, Intimately Connected: The Importance of Partner Responsiveness for Experiencing Sexual Desire, confirms this idea. Predictably, the data suggested that women react more strongly to ‘responsiveness’ than men, with sexual interest rising with an increased feeling of “specialness.” However, men, too, it appeared, also have a high appreciation for responsive mates. Though, male interest in sex wasn’t as deeply affected by a lack of responsiveness.
Over the course of six weeks, the study evaluated the diaries of over a hundred couples as they recorded the amount of sexual desire they felt towards their partner. The subjects reported their perceptions regarding their partner’s responsiveness to them, as well. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, results showed that increases in sexual desire clearly correlated to perceived upticks in responsiveness.
2. Responsiveness says “I’m invested.”
When you sense that your mate wants you and only you, it ups their “sexual stock” in your mind. Similarly, your focused interest in your mate creates heightened awareness and interest in you and what you have to offer the relationship.
Basically, being “all in” relationally creates a deep connection and what researchers call “a rising level of intimacy.”
Not surprisingly, an increase in intimacy improves your sex life. Why? Your core need for safety, belonging, and acknowledgment is being met. On a subconscious level, you become worth the pursuit of one another. Thereby, you and your partner forge a closer bond and the desire to make sex happen more often… and more fulfilling (or better) when you do.
3. Responsiveness says “I get you.”
Essentially, to be intimately understood is a turn on. Responsive partners are, by definition, aware and attuned to each other. When you can intuitively see and address your lover’s emotional needs, you send a message most of us long to hear. That is: “I understand you, I want you to know I‘m here for you. I want the best for you.”
Little acts of consideration, trust, and empathy enhance connectedness. Sex, then, becomes more of a mind-body experience. Less about activity and more about a total experience that reflects your oneness.
So. It’s pretty simple really.
Want a better sex life? Don’t ignore your partner!
Pay attention, and your sex life reaps the rewards.
