Every day seems to be just the same. You both get up, get ready for work, make sure the kids are set for school. Then, it’s out the door for the day. And when you get home and ready for bed that night, you are both exhausted.
Throughout the day, you’re not thinking about your relationship. In fact, you’ve put it on the back burner as all the other demands of life seem to take precedent.
This can lead you to fall into a common trap: complacency.
The reason why you may have become complacent in your relationship is that the passion you once had for each other has been lost. Does that mean your relationship is doomed? Or is there a way to get out of the rut?
If you are struggling with complacency in a relationship and have lost your passion, here’s what to do to get it back.
Identify the Problem
First, it’s important to simply be able to identify the problem that your relationship is suffering from complacency. Most people don’t like to acknowledge there is a problem. And that makes sense. It involves shaking up the status quo, as well as saying that how things have been operating simply doesn’t work.
Yes, at the end of the day, you both have been productive at work, helped the kids with their homework, got them to bed on time, and paid the gas bill. Yet very little, if any of that, actually helps towards bringing any passion back into your relationship.
Start Small… Really Small
Next, take action. Do something together, now!
Sharing experiences that are fulfilling and fun can help bring back that passion. But it’s important to start small. We’re not simply talking about date night. That’s because, clearly, it’s really hard for both of you to even get to that level.
How about date hour? Yes, that’s right, one hour.
Maybe that looks like spending some quiet time together in the morning before the kids get up. Or perhaps you can grab a few minutes once they have gone to bed. If you do have children, acknowledge that you will have to plan around them. But that doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t spend quality time together!
Talk with Each Other!
When you both get together, talk to one another. However, that also means establishing some ground rules for passion killers in your conversations.
For example:
- No talk about work. Your jobs will not help to bring you both closer together or ignite the passion.
- Avoid discussing the children. Yes, of course, you both love them. However, this is time meant for you to focus on each other, not them.
- Put away the phone. Cell phones are great tools. But they are also powerful distractions. Reserve this time that you spend with one another as screen-free.
So, if the ground rules say no talk about work or the kids and your phones need to be put away, what should you do? Talk about yourselves and your relationship!
There is more that defines you both than each of you realize. You can start by saying how much you each appreciate one another. Think about it. When was the last time you said to your partner how much you appreciated them?
Follow Up with Acts of Kindness
To get out of the rut and ignite the passion, follow up these verbal discussions with simple acts of kindness.
For example:
- Cooking a meal for your partner, or preparing their lunch for the day
- Saying to them “I love you” before bed each night
- Thanking them for doing a really hard task, such as a yard project or the taxes
- Hugs!
You don’t have to get flashy, expensive gifts to tell your partner you love and appreciate them. It’s the small acts of kindness that really make a difference in combating the complacency in a relationship.
—
Complacency in relationships occurs when both partners take each other for granted. It causes you to fall into a routine that doesn’t account for maintaining or nurturing your connection. To get out of the rut, you can start small, reserve some time for each other, and do simple things to demonstrate your love.
When passion is lost, it often leads to a lack of caring. Yet, you can reverse this cycle, and replace complacency with renewed passion. If you would like to know more about how couples counseling can help you in this endeavor, please feel free to contact me.
