When you say a final goodbye to someone you love, it’s gut-wrenching, to say the least.
No matter if their death was a sudden tragedy or if it was expected, it hurts. And it hurts a lot.
The final click of the coffin lid closing symbolizes a sort of starting gun. Its hollow echo shouts to you, “Start grieving, now!”
But, you might not know how or even where to start. Maybe this entire loss has you feeling pressured, rushed, or even lost. A hundred times over, you’ve probably heard people say to you that time will heal your pain or that you’ll get over it someday.
But, that advice just isn’t working for you. And it shouldn’t.
Here’s why.
The Reason You Don’t Need “Fixing”
As odd as it sounds, society has often viewed grief as a problem that needs to be solved. Almost as if losing a loved one is like gaining an illness—the illness of coping with loss.
The reality is that you’re not broken and you’re also not in need of an ultimate problem-solver. What you’re in need of is an open path. A path on which it’s okay not to be okay.
Grieving is a process to be lived, not dealt with.
The Lies You’ve Been Told About Time
Time doesn’t actually heal all wounds. In fact, it doesn’t really heal any.
Rather than healing, time offers you the opportunity for space. Time has a way of helping you manage your loss instead of making it magically disappear.
Coping with loss also means that there is no limit on the time you need to tend to your grief. Other people like to put parameters of weeks, months, and years to your grief. Yet, these limits are anything but natural.
Grief Doesn’t Have a Mold
Each person handles the grieving process differently. For some, all it takes to jumpstart this process is for their loved one to breathe their last breath. For others, it can take years after their loss to surrender themselves to the process.
Although there might be distinguishable stages and phases of grief, they certainly don’t fit into a cookie-cutter mold. We each love in a unique way. So, of course, we each grieve in our own way, too.
Moving On Versus Moving Forward
There’s this common misunderstanding that grief is nothing more than pushing through the pain. But coping with loss doesn’t mean pushing through your pain. It doesn’t even mean trying to “get over it,” like some people encourage you to do.
The thing about losing someone is that you don’t ever get over the pain. You get on with it. Trying to “get over it” is actually one of the biggest roadblocks to moving forward in your life after a loss.
In other words, grief is not a matter of moving on. It’s a matter of moving forward.
Coping with Loss Through Expression
Coping with loss means figuring out a new way to live with your pain. One of the best ways to embrace your pain as a part of you is to tell your story.
You don’t necessarily have to tell another person (but if you do, then it needs to be someone who won’t try to fix your pain). It’s the release that you’re actually looking for.
You could tell the squirrels in the woods, weave your feelings into the lyrics of a song, or even write it down in a journal. As long as you let it out. In fact, journaling can actually help you process your loss by keep track of how you feel and when you feel it. Self-expression isn’t only fun, but it’s therapeutic, as well.
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So, if you’re feeling stuck or unsure of how to make sense of your emotions after experiencing a loss, then please contact me. Together we can work through your grief in a way that helps you to process it naturally.
