There’s no doubt that the holidays are the worst time to be dealing with the loss of a relationship.
You feel the pain from the hole in your life all too acutely.
Plus, there’s dealing with your parents, siblings, other relatives, and friends—all asking questions. Or what’s worse, not asking the question, “What happened to so-and-so?” Instead, you can see from the look in their eyes and expression on their faces that they already know.
However, if you are dealing with the loss of a relationship through the holidays, it doesn’t have to all be doom and gloom.
Here are some thoughts on how you can get through the holiday season.
Acknowledge the Reality of the Situation
First, acknowledge and accept that this is your reality. If this is your first holiday without your partner, then it’s going to be particularly hard to admit.
Yet, acknowledging and accepting the situation for what it is will actually help. It keeps you from slipping into denial or wanting to just hide in your bedroom for the next few months. Rather, it’s the first step towards healing from the loss of your relationship and starting anew.
Plant the Seed Ahead of Time
Planning on going home for the holidays and dreading those awkward conversations? Why not plant the seed ahead of time that you would rather not be forced to talk about the issue. Ask a sympathetic parent or relative to spread the word that you don’t want people prying into your personal business.
Perhaps, you think that would just be common courtesy. But of course, part of what makes the holidays a unique time is when families get together. Often this is for the only time of the year. And that means lots of catching up to do. By planting the seed ahead of time, you can at least try to set yourself up for success in avoiding some of those awkward moments.
When the Awkward Conversation Does Happen Be Polite
Of course, no matter how much preparation you make, someone is going to want to ask those awkward questions anyways. If someone asks what happened to your partner, you could give a short answer and a follow up that you’d rather not go into details. Be polite, but remember that you don’t owe your nosy relatives any information. It’s your personal life, not theirs.
However, since they are family, a little diplomacy doesn’t hurt either. This requires striking a balance that only you can really determine. After all, you know your family best.
Make Time for Yourself During the Holidays
No matter what else you do during the holidays, it’s important that you make time for yourself. This is true whether you are visiting home on a single trip or just trying to get through the Thanksgiving to New Year’s time period.
Some ideas include:
- Maintaining your daily routine
- Getting a gift for yourself (you deserve it!)
- Spending time with friends
- Pursuing your hobbies and things you like to do for fun
- Set up your decorations
- Be physically active
Create a New Tradition
Maybe when you were together, you and your partner had certain traditions that you enjoyed during the holidays. Now that the relationship is over, consider creating a new tradition for yourself. Whether it’s going to a sporting event to staying home and making your own cookies, think about how you can put your own spin on the holidays.
Reach Out for Support
Don’t hesitate to reach out to talk to someone about what’s going. Go out for coffee with a friend to catch up. Or check in with a family member that you respect and whom you know will honor your privacy.
However, if you are struggling a lot, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help from a therapist. The holidays can make you painfully aware that you are dealing with the loss of a relationship, and an understanding therapist can give essential support.
I invite you to reach out to me and find out more about my approach to couples counseling, even if you’re not part of a couple anymore.
