Our society is all about choices, options, preferences.
Online dating sites make it ever easier to swipe and click only the potential dating partners you believe to be “your type.”
But how important is it to narrow the dating field that way?
Does focusing on one type of guy or girl mean that you’ll be happier or that your relationship will last longer?
What about your current relationship?
How does your real life partner now stack up against the type of person you insisted always drew your eye or you believed was always drawn to you?
If you were to peruse your old eHarmony dating partner wish list right now, would your current partner match your supposed “type”? Is it really true that the secret of your relationship success is that your partner perfectly fits your ideal mate?
Not really sure? Not really sure that it matters?
That’s okay. Scientists decided to investigate. Here’s what we know:
Your partner is your type…now.
Much of the research into partner typing, as well as the hows and whys behind choosing a mate, assumes that preference matters when people are considering their romantic options and alternatives. When surveyed, a vast majority of people feel that their current relationship partner is their dating type.
This, however, can be misleading, because science also shows that, mental and historical “tweaks” to the ideal dating partner wish list can occur once a relationship has been secured.
For example, the fact that your current partner is three inches taller or shorter than you, has a small room set aside especially for Happy Meal toys still in their original wrappers, or that he or she genuinely believes Big Foot is real, may not have actually been on your list of “type” requirements. It’s just that, now, you have a hard time remembering that those qualities weren’t exactly what you looked for in a dating partner the whole time.
According to the study, this type of revisionist dating history happens all the time.
Researchers say the tendency isn’t conscious, just a natural outgrowth of reasonableness (no one will fit the bill perfectly) and togetherness (over time, people change their minds and change each other).
Essentially, the dating partner we’re with becomes the one we wanted all along.
So, does having a dating partner type serve a purpose? Especially if we mentally adjust our checklist until the person we end up with just ends up being our type anyway? Maybe. If those dating partner requirements help inform you. It’s possible that they indicate what’s really important in your relationship, or reveal where you may be in a relationship rut.
Some things you may have thought were must-have partner requirements may now be negotiable. Some things are still deal breakers. Those are good things to know about yourself.
Scientifically, it’s also important to know that researchers don’t have a lot of evidence for what you likely already sense intuitively and live out in your relationship:
Mental checklists and ideal “prospective partner profiles” are fine– in the abstract.
But they don’t really dictate much once you’ve chosen a partner.
When someone you really like and connect with enters your life in a meaningful way, the fact that they are or are not your type may have some initial impact. However, interest in labeling each other fades when other interests and connections exist. Typing each other just seems to be less important. When that happens, the hard lines you set for “your type” get a little blurry and there’s more room for a real relationship with real fun and flexibility.