It’s the time of year that you dread the most.
You can find excuses not to show up for other holidays such as the Fourth of July. Yet, you can’t get out of the yearly holiday family gatherings.
Why do you want to avoid your family during the holidays?
It’s because the adult sibling rivalry between with your brothers and sisters is just too much. Even if you have one other sibling, you may feel they are trying to compete with you and “one-up” you.
And that just drains the fun out of being home for the holidays!
However, there are stress management tools that you can use for these occasions. Consider a few tips.
Direct Your Focus Elsewhere
Do your best to direct your energy and attention elsewhere and not on adult sibling rivalry. Remember that people who get into these competitions do so because they want the rivalry. They feel that they have to be better than others, and not just their siblings.
Thus, they are coming to the annual holiday gathering ready to one-up you. You don’t have to buy into this outlook. Instead, have different goals, such as wanting to reconnect with family, enjoy a tasty meal, etc.
Find Forgiveness
The problem with adult sibling rivalry is that it leaves lasting memories that you’d rather forget. It’s easy to want to “get back” at your siblings for wrongs they have committed against you in the past. Yet, would that really solve anything? Of course not. If anything, revenge would only continue the sibling rivalry even further.
The holidays can be a time of not just looking back at the past, but also towards the future and new beginnings. Why not use this time to bury the hatchet and start fresh for the new year?
Create Some Personal Time
If it’s not possible for your siblings to end the rivalry, or they are unwilling, it helps to carve out some personal time for yourself. This allows you the chance to focus on yourself and recharge before needing to interact with your siblings again.
One good idea is to incorporate exercise into your holiday routine. For example, you can let everyone know that you are going for a run or are headed to the gym for an hour, and you can’t be disturbed. Exercising is a great stress management tool for lots of reasons. You get to blow off some steam, refocus your attention to the present, and burn a few calories too!
Realize That You Can’t Change Others
It’s helpful to acknowledge that you can’t change your siblings. They are adults and are going to make their own decisions. This actually is a concept that frees your mind from some of the stress and anxiety associated with your siblings’ rivalry.
Your siblings are going to make their own choices, just as you have the power to make choices that are empowering and uplifting for you. Consider, then, what choices are in your control to make the holidays a rewarding experience.
Still Stuck with Stress? Get Help!
If the thought of having to face your siblings at a holiday event still causes you stress and anxiety, get professional help.
With the help of a therapy, walk through the relationship that you have with your siblings and how adult sibling rivalry plays a role. A therapist will be able to listen to your concerns and may suggest more ways that you can manage the stress associated with family holidays.
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Adult sibling rivalry only diminishes the joy of the holidays. It’s disheartening to see families affected by rivalries, but it nonetheless still occurs. By practicing the aforementioned stress management tools, you may be able to help yourself cope with adult sibling rivalry in your family and get more out of the holidays.
If you need more individualized help to handle the anxiety that your siblings’ rivalry causes, please contact me or learn more about my approach to anxiety treatment by clicking on the link.
