Every couple faces tough life transitions, no matter how “perfect” their relationship may be.

This can be most evident during those difficult moments when an old chapter in your life together closes and another opens. During these times, reaching out to your partner is critical for the health of your relationship.

You are both being tested in ways that you perhaps never anticipated. The unexpected passing of a loved one, an accident or illness, or a financial crisis can all take their toll on your relationship.

Here’s how you can both reach out to each other and provide the support needed during a difficult life transition.

Acknowledge the Situation

To begin with, it helps to simply acknowledge the reality of the situation at hand. That is, that you both are experiencing a tough life transition.

That’s actually harder than you might realize. Many are tempted to practice denial and not recognize what is happening to them. This response is problematic for a couple of reasons. First, denial makes it hard to be proactive and take meaningful and practical steps for addressing the change. Second, denial is like a lie or deception. Only, it’s one that you are placing on yourselves.

Any kind of untruth, even self-imposed ones, will harm a relationship. Thus, it’s crucial that you both acknowledge the situation.

Be Gentle with One Another

Next, it’s important that you’re gentle with each other. Note that gentleness does not mean avoidance. That’s just as bad as denial! After all, if you avoid having any type of interaction or discussion about the issue, then how can you be supportive of one another?

When you do have those necessary talks, be gentle and kind. Avoid casting blame or resorting to anger (would accusations really make things any better?).

Instead, listen to what your partner has to say, and be empathetic. Remember that each of you will face a crisis in different ways. Talk about those emotions and feelings with each other to create understanding. This will help you both to face difficult life transitions together—as a team.

Ask for Forgiveness and Offer It

Nobody is perfect, especially during trying circumstances. Either of you—or both—might snap at the other, argue, yell, or say something that they regret later.

If this happens, quickly ask for forgiveness from your partner. It’s the quickest and most effective way to mend a relationship wound. If you don’t, then over time these negative moments will build up and can even rupture your relationship.

On the other hand, if your partner asks for forgiveness, don’t hesitate to give it. Even though your partner made a mistake, it’s important that you appreciate their willingness to acknowledging that, rather than dwell on what they did wrong. By asking for and offering forgiveness, you both make it possible to refocus back on the difficult life transition.

Turn Towards One Another

Relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman often talk about “turning towards” one another. When one partner motions that they want to connect, either verbally or non-verbally, the other partner should pick up the cue.

By accepting these “bids for connection,” couples can strengthen their relationship. Reaching out for support can come in the form of small moments of affection and kindness, such as a smile, a hug, or holding hands. It’s these little, intimate moments that strengthen the bonds of a relationship when you’re faced with life transitions.

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Tough life transitions can strain even the strongest of relationship bonds. But they don’t have to break your relationship. By knowing how to support each other and by reaching out to your partner, you can actually strengthen your relationship.

Moreover, participating in couples counseling can provide additional support. Please, consider contacting me or learning more about my approach.