Talking to your partner about couples therapy can be fraught with relationship land mines.

One the one hand, you know that there are issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. On the other hand, however, you don’t want to turn your partner off to the prospect of therapy either.

Knowing how to suggest couples counseling to your partner does require some finesse. Yet, ultimately you do need to be upfront with them and express how you feel about the situation.

The alternative is to do nothing, which in the long-run could mean an end to your relationship.

Here’s how to approach suggesting couples counseling to your partner.

Be Honest and Compassionate

The foundation of any successful relationship is honesty. That’s something that everyone can agree upon. So, if you value honesty, then that means you need to talk to your partner about how you feel. Of course, you need to be compassionate as well.

Carefully consider the following:

• Reserve a time and place where you can both be alone and talk without interruption.
• Say what you are feeling and don’t hold back.
• Use terms and words that will keep your partner engaged instead of blaming your partner.
• Keep it focused on the relationship.
• Be attentive to your partner’s response.

Here’s something to think about. If you are afraid of how your partner will react to your suggestion of couples counseling, that can be a sign that you need to see a counselor of itself.

Get to the Point of the Matter When Talking

It might be tempting to talk about the issue indirectly. For example, bringing up another couple who has gone to couples therapy and how it worked for them. However, there’s a good chance that your partner might not pick up on these vague signals that you are sending.

Instead, it makes more sense to be frank and get to the point of the matter. Yet, as mentioned above, be compassionate and understanding at the same time. You know your partner best. Frame your concerns and thoughts in a manner that you know they will hear while at the same time don’t turn them off.

Engage in a Dialogue and Listen, Don’t Try to Persuade

Perhaps the greatest strategy for how to suggest couples counseling to your partner is listening to them. Once you have communicated your thoughts and feelings on the issue, be willing to engage in a dialogue.

This doesn’t mean that you try to convince them to come around to “your side.” Instead, it’s critical that you demonstrate that you are listening to them. Even if you disagree with what they are saying, still take the time to hear them out.

If your partner believes that you are dismissing their perspective, they will most likely blow you off. It’s not helpful for the situation if one or both of you are closed off to the other. That only creates a greater divide and, in the long-term, will make things worse.

Stay Consistent with Your Message

Finally, it’s important that you stay consistent with your message. Keep your concerns focused and on target with specific issues. Avoid getting sidetracked and off-topic.

Inconsistency and off-target communication will only confuse and even overwhelm your partner. To them, it may feel as if there are a hundred things wrong with the relationship when you mainly only have 1 or 2 issues. However, those issues might be central to the success of the relationship.

Clearly stating why you feel couples counseling would be beneficial for your relationship is crucial when suggesting it to your partner.

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You may feel like talking to your partner about couples therapy is an insurmountable task. Why not try some of the suggestions mentioned above and see what results they yield. If you are struggling with how to suggest couples counseling to your partner, but you feel it’s important that you engage in counseling, contact me. We can talk about other approaches to advocating it to them.