So, you’re married with children and very happy. Your children are a joy and you can’t imagine life without them.
However, now both of you are also twice as busy as before!
Balancing out work and taking care of children and other life needs doesn’t leave a lot of time left over for romance. In fact, this situation can even lead to frustration and a disconnect between spouses.
However, not all is lost yet. There are several ways for you to keep the romance alive in your marriage while raising kids. Consider a few.
1. Prioritize Spending Time Together
The number-one most important thing that a couple can do to keep the romance alive is to spend time together. Of course, as we just noted at the outset, time is a scarce commodity in a marriage with children.
Nevertheless, to have a healthy relationship, quality time is needed in order to be successful. And that means more than simply spending a few minutes together at breakfast. How can you carve it out?
One suggestion is to spend time together after the children are put to bed. And not in front of the TV either. Spend time talking, cuddling, sharing your thoughts. Another thing you can plan to do is schedule regular date nights. And that plan needs to include a prearranged babysitter, even if your date may just mean that you get to spend time alone in your own house.
Think about other opportunities that allow you to have time for each other. However you arrange it, just make sure to make this a priority.
2. Avoid Making Comparisons about Your Day
It’s tempting at the end of the day for each of you to complain about how hard it was. Your spouse had three meetings and picked up the kids from daycare. While you had ten orders to fill and had to make sure dinner was prepped.
Making comparisons reeks of competition, which one of you has the most weight to carry. But that, in turn, creates divisions between people, especially romantic partners. It’s hard to love someone that you’re competing against.
Instead of complaining about the hardships of the day, why not share some of the joys you’ve experienced, even if it’s just a few.
3. Seek Physical Contact
Touch is an important part of any romantic relationship. Holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, or a hug are critical components if you want to keep the romance alive. It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose. It’s the little things each day that help to strengthen your relationship.
Of course, you want to make sure that you are being age-appropriate in front of your children. Yet, if they see the fondness you both have for each other, your show of physical contact can be a positive influence on your children as well as on your romance.
4. Keep Your Sex Life Active
Now that you have kids in your lives, that doesn’t mean that your sex life needs to suffer. Regular sexual intimacy with your partner definitely helps with maintaining that spark of romance.
It may not be easy, but you need to figure out a strategy to keep your sex life active even with kids in the home. Sometimes, you may just have to take it somewhere else.
Of course, there will be times after a long day when you are going to be tired as well. Intimacy may be far from your mind then. However, remember that you can keep your romance alive and well by ensuring that both you are still prioritizing an active sex life.
5. Make Time for Yourself
Oftentimes, when we think of keeping the spark alive, we predominantly focus on ways for couples to be together. However, making time for being apart and to yourself is just as important for a healthy romantic relationship.
When each of you is giving all that you have for the family, the household, and the relationship, it can leave you feeling drained. So, make sure that you are taking care of yourself and getting your needs met as well.
You can do this by, for example:
- Having private time alone
- Exercising
- Pursuing your hobbies
- Practicing mindfulness
What If We’re Still Struggling to Keep the Romance Alive?
Raising children is a joy, but it also takes a toll on many aspects of your life. A marriage is always in need of constant care in order to keep the romance alive. To help you in the romance department, try the ideas mentioned above.
And if you and your partner are still struggling after applying those suggestions, consider couples counseling. (You can learn more here.)
Counseling can help with creating more understanding between the two of you and improving communication. Also, together with your counselor, you can come up with other practical strategies for how to have a loving and romantic relationship, even if you’re married with children.
