You’ve likely heard how important communication is in a relationship by now. However, you are not alone if you don’t know how to do that. Truthfully, it’s not uncommon for many couples to fall into a rut of being unable to communicate.

Even worse is when there seems to be no communication with each other at all. You talk about the basics. “How are you? How was your day? What’s for dinner? What’s the kid’s schedule like this week?” But beyond that? It’s like you’re ships in the night, silently passing each other by. 

If you have fallen into a silent partnership, you might feel frustrated and discouraged about this change of pace. Thankfully, with some work, there are things you can do to improve your relationship. Here are five of them.

5 Ways to Communicate With Your Partner

1. Reconnect

One of the best ways to open the lines of communication with your partner is to reconnect with them. It’s not uncommon for many couples to fall into a rut of not knowing what to say to each other when they have been together for so long.

Find ways to reconnect with each other. Go on a date night, where you go to dinner and a movie. Or have a date night after the kids have gone to bed on the weekend. There is no wrong way to connect again; the options are limitless. Often, having fun together will start letting the conversation flow naturally, as it did in the beginning.

2. Talk About Your Issues

Many couples fall silent with each other because they stop knowing how to communicate about their problems with each other. As hard as it can be to talk to your partner, you should open up to each other about your problems. Maybe you are stressing out because of work recently and are unknowingly bringing that anxiousness to your home. Maybe you are getting really upset with them about something they did or didn’t do or say, but you haven’t expressed it to them yet.

Whatever the issue, you can’t expect your partner to know about it if you don’t verbally speak it out loud. We aren’t mind readers, so they likely don’t even know an issue existed.

photo of a man twirling a woman on the ocean at sunset3. Use “I” Statements

Sometimes, how we talk to our partners can cause them to shut down on us over time. Most of the ways we speak to our partners are unintentional, so this isn’t to place blame on you by any means. We unintentionally place blame on our partners with the words we say, causing them to go on the defense with us. Look at the difference here.

“You never spend time with me anymore, and you don’t seem to care about our relationship.”

Verses:

“I feel as if we don’t spend enough time together.”

One comes off as very accusatory, while the other is a more gentle approach to saying the same thing.

4. Start a Conversation

Sometimes, we have to take the initiative and start up a conversation, even if we really don’t want to have it. Maybe you have noticed that your partner is distant lately or seems distracted. You may notice that they seem to be stressed or more angry often.

Don’t be afraid to ask them about what is going on. Choose a time when you know you are both available for conversation, such as in the morning before the day gets busy or lying in bed at night. They may be struggling with something you don’t even realize, but they don’t want to bother you.

5. Counseling

If the lines of communication have stopped in your relationship, it could be due to a larger issue with you as individuals or as a couple. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me to learn more about couples counseling.

Together, we can help you get to the root cause of why you are becoming silent with one another and, most importantly, find ways to fix it.