As Valentine’s Day appears on the holiday horizon, romance may be increasingly on the brain. However, be careful. You may be tempted to idealize a relationship that isn’t working. It’s important to be honest with yourself regarding relationship red flags. Even if it means forgoing cuddles and chocolates this year.

Have you noticed issues in your relationship that keep popping up? Perhaps you try to explain them away or just ignore them. Still,  though your mind and heart are telling you one thing, your gut insists on another.

It’s important to listen to your instincts and investigate your doubts.

But how can you tell if something that just seems off is actually a relationship red flag? Good question. Let’s take a look at the following warning signs.

Your Partner’s Relationship History Worries You

At some point, most everyone has at least one relationship they regret. Sometimes, partners simply aren’t the right fit. Sometimes, one or both says or does something that causes a breakup. It happens.

However, if your current partner talks about all of their past partners in a negative light, watch out.

One thing, in particular, to note is their perception the past. Do they refer to all of their partners in deragoatory terms? Objectifying or labeling, past partners is a problem. It might be that their exes’ picked up on their own relationship red flags and made a swift exit.

They Are Just Not Willing to Commit

Another relationship red flag is a partner that doesn’t actually want to commit to a mutually satisfying relationship. We’re not even talking about marriage here. Rather, an inability to date exclusively. Pay close attention to their relationship language. Do they

• have a mindset that being in a committed relationship is constricting or limiting?
• fear commitment, perhaps from experiencing other soured relationships?
• call on memories from their youth or their parents’ relationship, as reason not to commit?

If so, this means is that they have some emotional work to do. They are not ready yet for a relationship.

Brooding and Rage and Relationship Red Flags & Safety Alerts

Consistent anger issues are another big relationship red flag. Yes, everyone experiences anger. However, simmering or explosive behavior is different. If your partner demonstrates uncontrollable rage or passive-aggressive brooding, move on.  For example:

• Brooding is really low-level anger. Perhaps bitterness or resentment is the root of it. Regardless, this tendency can lead to toxic interaction and perpetual conflict.
• Rage is the uncontrollable release of anger. It’s a safety issue emotionally and physically. If your partner cannot contain their anger, determine how to exit the relationship safely.

They Blame Their Problems on You

Watch out if your partner consistently blames you for problems in the relationship. Are they holding onto resentment from previous issues in your relationship? Do they repeatedly refer to mistakes or arguments from the past? Is forgiveness routinely withheld? This is actually a form of manipulation intended to make you feel guilty.

Cheating is an Obvious Relationship Red Flag

Finally, it is a clear sign of disrespect if your partner cheats or betrays you. Obviously, a history of cheating is reason enough to be cautious. You don’t want to be the next in line to discover they lack the inner resources to be faithful. Furthermore, avoid the trap of believing that you can change their behavior. The reality is that they need professional support and a commitment to change.

Finally, if you notice any relationship red flags, don’t ignore them. You owe it to yourself to pay attention. Valentine’s Day will come and go. Love yourself enough to trust your instincts and honor your time. Going forward, don’t hesitate to reach out for relationship guidance via individual therapy or couples counseling.