Most people start thinking about couples therapy after they’ve discovered a few relationship problems.
After all, it’s only natural to want to find the solution to a problem, right?
The only flaw with this approach is that “the problem” usually isn’t the actual problem.
By the time most couples attend couples therapy, the real problem has been buried under a mountain of other relationship problems. And, the mountain of other problems typically exists only as ways to cope with the initial problem.
That’s the kind of the upside-down roller coaster many couples ride. Very unproductive!
Let me be frank and tell you why you shouldn’t wait that long.
What Happens When You Wait For Relationship Problems to Develop
Like mentioned before, by the time most couples attend therapy, it’s a little late.
It’s definitely not too late to salvage the relationship, but it’s way too late for any preventative work to be done. At that point, all that couples are looking for is someone to help fix their relationship problems.
Of course, being in an intimate relationship is not easy by any means. When two people attempt to blend their lives together, there is going to be some conflict. And, that’s okay.
The issue lies in that most couples simply ignore the conflict or handle it poorly for years and years. All the while, they develop other problems because they’ve chosen to handle the matter poorly or ignore the initial problem.
For these couples, most of the sessions during couples therapy are spent addressing these residual issues from their past. Sometimes, it’s very difficult for them to trace their own footprints back to the true culprit.
How Couples Therapy Can Help Even When Nothing Is Wrong
For many people, therapy is an attempting to heal or strengthen something. For instance, physical therapy helps to heal and strengthen your body after an injury or surgery. Something negative—like a car accident—has to happen first before they give way to any type of therapy session.
This is where couples therapy exits the typical therapy highway. The primary purpose of couples therapy isn’t to heal your relationship problems. It’s mean to heal and strengthen you, and in turn, the oneness with your partner.
You may not have anything obviously wrong in your relationship, but we are all flawed humans with plenty of room to grow and mature.
Couples therapy dives into this truth and explores it. Not only does it teach effective communication skills and conflict management skills, but it offers an invaluable set of tools for your relationship skill set.
When to Seek Couples Therapy
There’s not a one-size-fits-all when it comes to the right time for seeking couples therapy. But there are some common milestones in a romantic relationship that would likely be the perfect timing for you.
For instance, attend couples therapy before any big change in your relationship.
Obviously, deciding to get married would be the most opportune time. Though, it doesn’t have to be marriage that spurs you to couples therapy. Some other big changes could include: moving in together, having children, changing jobs, recovering from addiction, or even when your kids move out of the house.
The reality is that the person you fell in love with isn’t that same person today. In fact, they weren’t even that same person a month after Cupid pointed his arrow at you. People change and transform on a daily basis. And knowing and accepting this amazing human metamorphosis makes therapy a little more welcoming.
Yes, rather than “fixing” anything, couples therapy is more of a balancing act that enables you both to harmonize your life together at any stage in the journey.
