Relationships will provide you with some tough times. That’s a guarantee. There’s a reason why the divorce rate has hovered around 50 percent for a very long time. And that’s just for first marriages. Every ensuing nuptial brings with it an even higher likelihood. What about those who ask for a divorce but then rethink that decision?
It’s uncertain who keeps those statistics but this scenario is not as unusual as you may first imagine. Humans are complex. Relationships are complex. Humans making decisions about relationships is even more complex. It makes a whole lot of sense to ask for some help.
Why You May Want to Rethink Your Divorce
Missing Out on Your Kids’ Lives
You may miss at least half of your kids’ lives. Most likely, you’ll catch the big moments. You’ll be there for graduation and the big game. It’s the little moments you miss that add up. Factor this in when contemplating a split.
Life Loses Its Rhythm
When you are part of a couple (and also a family), your life becomes a series of centering rituals. Divorce changes all of that. Instead of participating in life, you may find yourself catching up with it on someone else’s social media page. Don’t give up your rhythm unless you are certain.
Many Problems CAN Be Fixed
The difference between divorce and reconciliation might be finding a compatible couples counselor. In the heat of the moment, conflict resolution may feel impossible. In reality, you may just need the proper guidance.
3 Steps to Take If You’re Already Rethinking Your Divorce
Get Busy
You’ve pondered and contemplated. You’ve talked to friends, family, and your therapist. It feels clear. You want to stop your plans to divorce. Well, make a plan and take action as soon as possible. Once your mind is made up, do not delay. Talk to your partner in a calm way in a calm setting — without enough time to tackle all that needs to be said.
Practice Radical Honesty
Resist — with every cell in your body — the urge to guilt or manipulate. Just because you are rethinking the divorce doesn’t mean they have to. Passive-aggressive tactics may cause your partner to feel bad for you. They may even start to fold under pressure. This is not a healthy way to reconcile. Instead, choose direct communication. Explain to them that you see things differently and why that change is happening.
Talk Openly About Change
You are having second thoughts. Perhaps your partner is having them, too. This does not change the fact that some serious issues exist between you. It’s huge if you can get back on the same page in terms of working things out. But… you still have to work things out. If not, you’ll soon be right back at “should I stay or should I go?” Utilize your radical honesty to lay your cards on the table. Maybe most importantly, commit together to couples therapy.
Why Couples Counseling?
Relationships, even in the best of times, provoke many strong emotions. In such a state, it can be quite difficult to think and communicate clearly. Your couples counselor is the unbiased guide you need. In weekly sessions, you have a safe space and an experienced professional on your side. You and your partner can:
- Identify counterproductive patterns and habits
- Feel comfortable sharing feelings and emotions
- Learn how to communicate and listen in a healthy manner
- Ask for what you need
Sometimes things can’t be fixed. Couples therapy will help you recognize where you stand and where you’re headed. If divorce is on the table, you owe it to yourselves to ask for help.
