It’s been a long day at work and you’re exhausted.

You just want to relax after a stressful day in a job that you don’t really like. In fact, you’re jealous of your partner who gets to stay home with the kids and does not have to deal with work.

On the flip side, your partner is burned out after a long day of managing the kids, taking care of the house, and all of the other duties of as a stay-at-home parent. They are jealous of you and long for having their career back.

If this sounds familiar, it may be that you are experiencing competition in your relationship.

Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way!

With couples counseling, you can both find ways to complement one another rather than compete against each other.

The Roots of Competition in Your Relationship

Competition in your relationship occurs when you each try to one-up the other.

You are both feeling stressed and bitter about your life situation. Maybe it’s because the job you took to provide for the family isn’t very satisfying. Or you feel your career has been sidelined because you chose to stay home to watch after the kids.

This breeds jealousy, which, in turn, leads to you both trying to compete against one another. The irony is that you are both in competition to see who is more miserable.

Competition and Children

Relationship competition becomes even worse when children are involved. One parent sees the other as having an easier time or more fun, which breeds jealousy and competition in your relationship.

This can work both ways. The working parent has to slug it out at work every day, while the other parent has an “easier” time at home. Or the stay-at-home parent sees their spouse as having a jet-set lifestyle, while they are at home holding down the fort.

Plus, when it comes to parenting styles, one partner may feel the other is the fun and exciting parent, while they are the one to hold up all the rules of the household.

The Damage of Competition in Your Relationship

So what happens when there is constant competition in your relationship? Instead of seeing each other as partners you look at one another as enemies, or, at the very least, competitors.

Is that any way to build a loving relationship? The answer is a resounding “no.”

That’s because when things get tough, you end up not turning towards each other. Rather, you view on another as someone (or something) that needs to be overcome.

It’s really hard to make a relationship last that’s built on competition.

What Each of You Wants But Doesn’t Say

The key to this competition issue is that you both wish your partner would communicate with you. Deep down, you each want the other to validate your experience. That is to say, you each want acknowledgment from one another that affirms how difficult things are going for you.

“Yes! I agree that you have a very tough job!” or “Staying at home with the kids all day can’t be easy.”

Sadly, with all that competition in your relationship, these words go unsaid.

Couples Counseling: The Answer for Competition in Your Relationship

The solution to competition in your relationship is to start talking to one another and listen, too!

Of course, if you both are stuck in competition mode, it can be hard to switch that off. But that’s why couples counseling can be so helpful. Couples counseling provides structure, with the therapist guiding the conversation. Once you are well-practiced in communicating, you can continue the discussions at home.

Obviously, competition in your relationship is never healthy. It does not foster a genuine, loving, and close relationship. Instead, it can only drive you both further apart from one another. However, couples counseling can help start a dialogue and break down those walls.