We all have this idea of how things should go in our heads. However, our expectations of any situation can sometimes disappoint us. We often scratch our heads when things don’t go according to plan. Where did it go wrong? What could I have done differently? How can I prevent this from happening in the future or improve the process?

For many people, when things go awry, they can often move on from the event and chalk it up as a lesson learned. However, for a perfectionist, this isn’t really possible.

Perfectionism is the idea that every little thing needs to always be perfect. There can be no mistakes because mistakes in their mind are complete failures. It’s not just a lesson learned. It’s a complete catastrophe. Those questions of figuring out where it went wrong and how to improve morph into thoughts of: How could I mess up like this? Why can’t I do anything right? Why am I no good?

Perfectionism is an illusion; nothing is ever perfect. There is nothing wrong with striving to do your best. But, there needs to be a balance for the times when mistakes happen. Here is how the drive for perfectionism puts a strain on mental health.

The Illusion Of Perfection And Why It Damages Your Mental Well-Being

It Lowers Self-Esteem

There’s a common misconception that people who are perfectionists are just overly confident in their abilities. In most cases, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, many people who are considered perfectionists don’t have the best confidence in themselves.

Every little mistake or mess-up is never seen as a lesson learned. It’s perceived as a complete and total failure that there is something inherently wrong with a person. Feeling like a failure repeatedly lowers confidence levels. Perfectionism teaches a person that success relies on everything going completely right. In reality, we all know that it doesn’t. Still, confidence levels can take a major hit when perfectionism rears its ugly head.

It Convinces You That Lies Are The Truth

Perfectionism tries to convince you that its little lies are the truth. Lies like, “You are not enough,” “You always end up messing something up,” and “You can’t do anything right.” The worst part is that we hear these words in our own voices, making them all the more convincing and true. Perfectionism takes any previous mistake and uses it against us. It adds fuel to an already burning fire.

It Worsens Anxiety And Depression

Mental health is complex because many concerns feed into one another, causing a constant cycle of stress and unhappiness. Perfectionism is no different. The strive for perfection can spike anxiety levels because someone will always worry about future outcomes. Anxiety, in turn, fuels perfectionism by making the aim for an impossible standard all the more important. Meanwhile, depression is almost in the back, waving a flag, saying, “This is all too much!” It’s an uphill battle, for sure.

How To Deal With Perfectionism

If any of this seems familiar, you are very likely dealing with perfectionist tendencies. Just because it is a battle to balance it all does not mean the war can’t be won. First, remind yourself that making mistakes is inevitable. We are human, after all.

Second, remember that perfect does not actually exist. It’s a social construct that we invented along the way. But that doesn’t mean that perfection can be achieved. Can you do your absolute best and get the results you want? Absolutely, but that does not mean that it actually was perfect.

Give yourself the grace to know that at the end of the day, you tried your best. If you are struggling with perfectionism, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for help through anxiety treatment.