Being in a relationship is never quite a walk in the park. The media, movies, and television all romanticize relationships. Sure, there is conflict to keep things interesting, but it often ends in a happily ever after vibe. While we may get small moments of peaceful bliss, the truth is that relationships take a lot of work. It takes sacrifice from both partners to make the relationship work. It is a constant give-and-take that requires effort, communication, and patience with one another. Some couples struggle to find healthy ways to engage in conflict. Because of this, many couples often find themselves in heated arguments more often than they would like. But, what are some of the top reasons why couples fight?

5 Reasons Why Couples Fight

1. Not Enough Attention

During the early days of your relationship, you likely spent every waking moment trying to make sure you took care of your partner’s needs. Yet as time goes on, this may have fallen to the wayside. That’s actually completely normal with every relationship. Over time, we tend to stop working so hard to please our partners because we get comfortable. And while this is inevitable, it can feel neglectful. One of the top reasons a couple will argue is because, underneath the surface, there is a lack of attention, affection, or gratitude happening within the relationship.

2. Finances & Future Plans

The way we view and spend money goes much deeper than purchases or savings for the month. Family of origin, home environment, and early financial security, among other things, all inform our spending habits. This creates fertile ground for arguments over money because the topic is loaded. As you can imagine, the argument can extend to future plans as well. If one person wants to save for a house or a big trip, the spending habits of the other could have an impact on those plans. Financial transparency, honesty, and managed expectations will go a long way to ease conflict over money.

3. Household Duties

It might seem silly to argue about who didn’t take out the garbage or who unloaded the dishwasher last. But if you find yourself carrying an unequal burden of the household chores, these grievances can accumulate and cause great frustration. Keeping a household running successfully requires effort from both partners. You can set reasonable expectations in your relationship if both partners feel heard and contribute to the household’s cleanliness. If you hate washing dishes but don’t mind washing laundry, ask your partner if they can clean up after dinner while you fold. You don’t need to go tit-for-tat on chores, but it is helpful to divide the labor equitably.

4. Lack of Communication

It’s hard to open up sometimes. But a relationship will never last if you aren’t communicating with one another. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings or make them feel worse. An underlying reason people argue in relationships is that they aren’t communicating. They don’t express their needs, frustrations, or wants—but become upset when their partner doesn’t pick up on something. It’s hard to have tough conversations, but it can prevent conflict in the long run.

5. Lack of Quality Time

Life gets busy, but it is still important to prioritize your relationship. Truthfully, even if it’s been years since you got together, you should always make an effort to spend quality time with one another. If you aren’t taking time to nurture your relationship, tension and conflict will inevitably unfold within the relationship.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

Fighting does not need to be the death knell of your relationship. In fact, no conflict in a relationship is a different kind of problem in and of itself! How you argue means the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one. Couples counseling will help you find your way through the conflict and turmoil—let’s connect today to get started.