For many people, the word codependency is synonymous with addiction. Codependency can refer to an unhealthy dependence on substances such as alcohol or drugs. However, for the intent and purpose of this post, we will be discussing a different type of codependency.

Our post today is going to focus on toxic codependency that occurs in a relationship. While we often find toxic codependent situations in romantic relationships, they can apply to familial or platonic friendships as well.

If you have never heard about toxic dependency, we’ll cover the very basics of what this is first.

What Is Toxic Codependency?

Toxic codependency occurs when a relationship has an unhealthy and enmeshed dynamic between two people. Codependent relationships often have the needs of one person being put first above the other. In healthy relationships, there is an even balance of giving or taking. Of course, one partner may sometimes need to give more than they take, or vice versa, depending on what is happening. However, this balance evens out over time.

In codependent relationships, this balance never returns to normal, if it ever was. Toxic codependent relationships result in one partner feeling as if they cannot function at all without their partner. Every decision, social arrangement, and everything in between cannot happen without their partner’s input.

Signs of Toxic Codependency

Identity Loss

A classic sign of toxic codependent relationships is when one partner begins to lose sight of who they are without their partner. Suddenly, their needs, wants, and desires are placed on the back burner. Their partner, on the other hand, is all that will matter in the relationship.

photo of a woman in silhouette standing in a field at sunsetNo Boundaries

The dynamic between two partners in a codependent relationship often results in no boundaries. One partner will often find themselves doing things they don’t want to do to placate their partner. They will also struggle to say no to anything, even if it goes against their better judgment or moral compass.

Manipulation

Not only will the dynamics of the relationship be uneven, but emotional manipulation will also occur. These manipulation tactics will be subtle at first but slowly morph into more toxic tactics to keep their partner close to them.

Obsessions

Toxic codependent relationships will often involve some level of obsessive behaviors. This could involve one partner obsessing over every single word or action. Alternatively, they may become possessive over their partner. This possessiveness often leads to the very next sign of toxic codependent relationships — a loss of relationships.

Loss of Relationships

Because the two partners are so enmeshed, they become all that matters to one another. Their relationships with other people will fall to the wayside in favor of the partnership. No other person, regardless of if they are family or close friends, will matter as much as their partner.

This circles back to the first point we made about their being a loss of identity. When your focus becomes your partner, you lose out on the other parts of yourself that make up who you are, including family and friends.

How to Break the Cycle of Toxic Codependency

Can the cycle of toxic codependency be broken? Yes, it can. Is it going to be easy? No. It involves a comprehensive approach that needs to focus on each person and the dynamics between the two partners.

First, to break this cycle, you must address the root causes of codependency in the relationship. It will also involve identifying the patterns that have developed over time.

From there, the treatment approach can be tailored to help correct these patterns. It will involve commitment and time to turn things around, but if both partners are committed to creating a healthier relationship, breaking the cycle is possible.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples counseling and how I can help you.