You’ve spent months preparing for this day.
All the gifts have been bought, the food is cooking, and everyone seems to be having a good time.
Several of your guests have commented on how wonderful everything is. Yet, you don’t believe them… at all.
In fact, during the holidays you always seem to develop a sense of performance anxiety. You want their validation, but there is always a voice inside your head saying that what you’re doing is never enough.
Does this sound like you?
Consider how performance anxiety makes your holidays miserable and how you can cope with it.
What Is Performance Anxiety?
Performance anxiety is a phenomenon where you strive to achieve acceptance from others based on your actions.
One example is the worker who strives to impress their boss. They come in early and stay late every day working. They go over the top to make sure that their reports are spot-on.
This drive to excel is externally-based.
The employee wants to impress the boss because they seek validation from them. If they receive even in the mildest bit of criticism from them, they will feel crushed.
The Need for Acceptance
At the core of performance anxiety is the need to feel accepted by others. We all have that need. It’s actually been hard-wired into us as a species. When we feel accepted by other people, we feel safe.
Have you ever heard the old phrase, “There’s safety in numbers?” Our ancestors knew this first-hand in their efforts just to survive.
In the modern age though, this gets skewered in the form of performance anxiety. That’s because you still want people to accept you. However, you believe that the way to accomplish this is by going “over the top” to impress them.
How Performance Anxiety Influences the Holidays
During the holidays, performance anxiety can go into overdrive. There are several reasons for this.
For example:
- Expecting visitors, guests, and extended family
- Wanting to get the right gift for everyone
- Ensuring that meals are “just right”
- Having the “perfect” holiday
When you think about it, that’s a lot of pressure that you’re putting on yourself to perform at such a high level.
And it gets worse…
Before, your performance anxiety could be limited to being memorialized in a few pictures or a home video. Now though, with social media, the whole world can see what you are doing for the holidays. This adds even more pressure to the performance anxiety and to have the “perfect” holidays.
On top of all of the other expectations you have put upon yourself, it now also includes making everything worthy of a social media post. How exhausting!
But think about it: Can you really impress everyone?
The truth is, of course, that you can’t impress everyone when it comes to the holidays. There is always going to be that one relative that is over-critical, or some crisis will occur that makes things less than perfect.
Even worse, the more you try to fulfill your performance anxiety the more everyone will realize what you are doing. This becomes a self-defeating purpose, and all of your hard work for validation is all for nothing.
How to Cope with Performance Anxiety
To cope with performance anxiety, the best solution is to let go of all of those expectations. Of course, you want to create a memorable experience, but is it really necessary to create all that pressure for yourself?
By letting go, you acknowledge that not everything is in your control. This actually makes it easier for you to adapt when your holiday plans don’t go exactly as you hoped for.
It’s pretty obvious that performance anxiety can ruin your holidays. Plus, it doesn’t help you achieve what you really want, which is validation.
So, simply allow yourself to not have to be so perfect and not needing everything to be under your control, and you’ll find that you will have a more satisfying and enjoyable holiday experience.
—
If you would like to know what I can do to help you deal with your anxiety, please learn more about my anxiety treatment approach.
