You and your partner decided to close your open marriage. But where is your relationship headed now?
Open marriages can seem exciting initially. However, they can cause tension and ongoing relationship damage over time. By choosing to return to a monogamous connection, you are making an effort to eliminate a huge source of stress.
Yet, at the same time, reconnecting can present a serious challenge as you may find you have drifted apart. You’ll likely need to get to know one another again. Restoring mutual trust and emotional intimacy will be necessary to move forward productively.
Still, despite the challenges, this is not impossible to achieve. It is going to take a lot of work from both of you. Here’s how to start making a close, closed marriage happen.
Have Honest Conversations with Each Other
The first thing that needs to occur? Start having honest conversations with each other. In an open relationship, your attention is diverted from one another to the formation of connections with other people. Now, you must redirect and prioritize that attention back toward your relationship. Some questions to discuss include:
- Where do we go from here?
- What do we need from one another?
- What did we like and dislike about an open relationship?
- How do we use our relationship lessons to strengthen an exclusive relationship together?
Keep in mind that this is not a one-time conversation. Rather, this is the start of a process. Determining what you want your relationship’s future to look like. Set goals as a couple. Consider taking notes to refer back to as you move ahead.
Talk About Your Feelings After Open Marriage
Your relationship conversations need to include discussion of your individual feelings. Are there any lingering resentments from the open relationship that need to be resolved? What steps do you need to take to make that happen? How do you feel about one another now?
It’s okay if one or both of you are not “head over heels” for the other right now. Remember, it takes time for love to grow when you start dating. Therefore, romantic feelings may need time to rekindle after an open relationship.
The aim now is to create safety and communicate that you remain bonded to one another. As an outgrowth, romantic love will likely develop and deepen.
Show Your Commitment to Closed Marriage
Following an open relationship, one or both of you may doubt your commitment to the partnership. That’s why it helps to demonstrate that each of you is invested. These gestures don’t need to be grand or overblown. Rather, they are most effective if they are genuine and consistent. Often, it is the little moments of connection and appreciation that send the message that you love and care deeply about your partner.
Create New Memories
With the end of the open relationship, you are starting a new chapter together as a couple. Remember what it was like when you were first dating? Each date offered the potential for a new experience. Those experiences were the catalyst for drawing you both into a relationship.
Now is the time to use that positive history as inspiration for creating new experiences together. Seek out both small moments and novel experiences to bond you. For example, try the following:
- Order takeout at that new restaurant down the street.
- Play games together.
- Plan a quick weekend getaway.
- Try a new sport.
Embrace Couples Therapy After an Open Marriage
Finally, when recovering from an open marriage, part of your overall plan should include couples therapy. There can be a lot to unpack after an open relationship. There may be hurt feelings, resentments, and other issues that need to be discussed and fully processed. By participating in couples therapy, the guidance of an experienced counselor can give your marriage a strong chance of successfully moving forward.
Most of all, it’s important to note that every relationship has its unique qualities and challenges. Launching any new phase of your relationship requires time to focus on just the two of you. Find out how couples counseling can support you specifically and reach out for help today.
