Hopefully, when you hear the word “friends” something other than a 90’s sitcom comes to mind.
Hopefully, when you think of making friends, your mind doesn’t automatically skip to profiles, friend requests, and your favorite social media page.
679 “friends.” Really?
Hopefully, a face or two comes to mind…
No? Hmm. Do you wish more faces came to mind?
Good! Loneliness is not your friend.
Try these tips to bring more people into your life and keep them around once you do.
1. Let Down Your Guard.
You’ll need to open up to start a relationship. Focus outward. Look up from your phone. Smile. Say things like, “Hi! My name is…”
It seems like a no-brainer, but in an age where half the population has “text neck” and is always rushing off to something else, it can feel risky to stand still, let someone look you in the eye, and make conversation.
2. Be Persistent in making friends.
Set a goal for making friends and don’t stop until you reach it. Pursue people you’d like to know the way you’d pursue anything else worth time and effort. Don’t give up. Keep your mind open and your eyes peeled for someone looking for a friend. You’ll find each other.
This applies to friendship maintenance too. Persistently make time to connect with friends you want to keep. Given the wealth of technology, it’s pretty hard to “lose touch” anymore!
3. Be Honest.
If you’re trustworthy and truthful, bonds with new friends and old are likely to last a long time.
What does honesty look like? You know you’re on the right track if:
- Egos, fakeness, and superficiality are off the table. Be yourself.
- You can offer feedback without fear and listen without taking offense.
- Your conflicts are direct and not mired in pettiness, gossip, or passive aggression.
It’s important to note that “honesty” is not code for disrespectful, insensitive, cruel, or aggressively blunt.
4. Loosen up.
Maybe your friends are primarily stay at home moms or business execs, or high school teachers. Maybe you’re most comfortable in your own economic class, racial group, or religious affiliation. Nothing wrong with that–except you’re crossing off most of the populous as potential friends! Why? Consider making friends outside your comfort zone at work or in your neighborhood. It could be interesting.
5. Give it Time.
Short attention spans don’t make for very fruitful relationships. Quality friendships need time to gel and time to grow. Time tends to season relationships. Let your relationship unfold. Let trust build. Try to look at the time you spend together as foundational for ongoing connection.
6. Lighten up.
The benefit of the doubt is a beautiful thing between friends. Give each other a break. Expectations, assumptions, and illogical conclusions can a kill a budding friendship or long-time relationship in no time. If you can see things from your friend’s perspective, you’ll head off conflict and deepen your bond as your friend recognizes and values your steady care and understanding even more.
7. Maintain reciprocity.
No one wants to feel like they don’t really matter. You needn’t always foot the bill, even if you can afford it. She should listen to your potty-training stories as much as you listen to hers. Make sure needs for acknowledgement, respect, and appreciation are served. Unselfish interaction fosters friendship that feels good as it gives and takes.
Making friends starts with a smile and a bit of outward effort.
So, extend an invitation, volunteer, join a team. New friends are out there, waiting for you.
Friendship is a respite in a disconnected world. A little more acceptance, a little more love.
We could all use a little more of that.
