Grief is an unfortunate part of life. We experience grief for a variety of reasons. Most commonly, grief is recognized as the response when someone we care for has passed on or even from the loss of a pet. However, grief can be experienced by any change in a person’s life. Whether it is from job loss, a move, or the end of a friendship, grief can affect us in monumental ways.

Grieving is a complicated process. Most people hear the words grief and think of the seven stages—shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, reconstruction, and acceptance. Hearing them in this specific order leaves the impression that it is linear—that you go through one ‘stage’ to the next until you reach the end. Due to this misconception, many people are shocked when they are still in the process of grieving. Here are just five of the reasons why grief comes in waves.

1. Grief is not linear

Grief is one of the most complicated life events we experience. No matter the reason, it puts many people through a very challenging period. Grief is not linear, however. There is no stage 1, stage 2, stage 3, and then done. After the initial shock stage, someone can experience any of the other stages at any point in time. They may jump from shock to acceptance, to denial, and then depression, bargaining, and anger, back to shock. Complicated, right? We all grieve differently. 

2. Grief has no timeframe

Experiencing any loss in life is hard. But there is no timeframe for when the grieving period should be over. It could be 15 years after the passing of a loved one, and someone may still experience intense emotions surrounding that loss. No one should ever say, “You should be over it by now.” Grief is something we can carry with us for a long time. Even if it has been many years, we may still experience feelings of shock and “this can’t be real” moments.

3. It’s a lot to process

Especially when it comes to death, when there is such a huge change in our lives, our brains can’t keep up, so to speak. The sudden loss of a loved one, friend, or job can throw our brains off. It’s the change in routine. It’s the period you can so clearly mark as “before this happened” and “after it happened.” Our brains are complicated, but the messiness of life takes time to process. Life would not be as rich if we didn’t feel grief so deeply. Grief comes because we value the thing we’ve lost.

4. No one said moving on was easy

When something or someone matters to us, it’s not that easy to just move on. There’s no flipping a switch that says, “Ok, now I’m over it!” And even though time may lessen the sting of the impact, that does not mean someone has truly moved on from what happened.

5. Waves exist because our emotions will always exist

Grief comes in waves because our emotions come in waves. It’s messy and heartbreaking. A lot of times, it doesn’t even make sense. It comes in waves because our emotions are not linear, and they are very complex. Emotions don’t even make sense half the time.

If you are experiencing grief, I sympathize with your pain. It is no easy thing to walk through. Whatever is triggering your grief, and no matter how long it has been, you deserve to feel support and relief. While I might not be able to take the pain away fully, I can help you learn more about this pain through grief counseling or depression treatment; let’s connect soon.