If you’ve ever gotten into a fender bender, you probably had a bad day.

If you’ve ever spilled coffee on a white t-shirt, you probably also had a bad day.

But if the weight of the world feels so heavy that you choose to stay in bed and avoid all responsibilities, then you might be past a “bad day”.

Dark thoughts, everyday sadness, social isolation, and unending fatigue characterize depression. Sometimes, people with the best of intentions try to convince loved ones that their depression is just a weird blip that’ll pass, or that they can solve it with a quick workout and a bite of a banana.

That’s not true. If you want your loved one’s health to improve, avoid depression-shaming at all costs. But what exactly does this look like?

Examples of Depression-Shaming

Why are you so negative? Just be happy.

This implies that depression is a choice when we know it’s not. All this does is make a depressed person feel like they failed as if their mental health is a test of willpower when it’s not.

Many things that are out of our control can cause depression. This includes traumatic events, big life changes, genetics, and chemical imbalances in the brain. People cannot fight depression on their own.

We all get sad sometimes, don’t worry about it.

Not everyone experiences depression. Trying to dismiss someone’s depression as a run-of-the-mill part of life is misleading, and comments like this only cause them to feel more alone in their fight.

Assuming that they have no reason to be depressed just makes the person feel guilty and shameful about their own feelings. This is a slippery slope that could increase their likelihood of self-harm if their depression worsens.

Wait it out, I’m sure it’ll pass!

This is simply unhelpful and untrue. If they’re finally getting around to talking about their dark thoughts, odds are they’ve been feeling depressed for some time and have run out of solutions. It’s best to provide support instead of brushing them off.

What to Say Instead

I might not understand, but I can see that this is taking a toll on you. You’re not alone. Do you want to talk it out?

Share how much you care about them and acknowledge that their depression is the one that is stubborn and troublesome—not them. Make them feel less alone in their fight by offering your time to talk it out or simply sit together.

I’ve noticed you’ve been cancelling on plans a lot and have less energy than you used to. Is everything okay?

Showing that you can see that someone is struggling is a tremendous step in making them feel less alone. It also helps them remember who they were before their depression.

Dark, intrusive thoughts do not tell the truth about a person. Rather, we must remind them how valuable and worthy they are despite what their depression says to them.

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

Many of us feel we’re equipped to solve our own or our loved one’s problems, but you wouldn’t offer to perform surgery on your friend’s broken leg. We should treat mental illness the same way.

While you should still provide love and support, holding them accountable to seek professional help is the most important part of the healing process.

There’s no one perfect thing to say, but there’s a lot you can do to help a loved one fight depression. 86% of people prefer talking about mental health face-to-face, so listen with an open mind, and don’t be afraid to be the one who starts the conversation. We all have the potential to heal from our worst days.

Please read more about depression treatment. Then, seriously consider taking the next step: reach out for a consultation. I’m here to help.