When you hear someone has ADHD, how often do you associate it with children or teenagers? Probably a lot more than you would with an adult, right? It’s a common misconception that only children or teenagers have ADHD. However, ADHD is typically not something that someone can just grow out of or stops being relevant in their life as they age.
So when you started dating your partner, you may have been very surprised to learn they have ADHD. And while you are over the shock of this—it doesn’t mean things are easy. The truth is, every single relationship will come with its own set of problems. But sometimes, the mental health issues that someone faces can also affect the relationship.
ADHD does not define your partner. This disorder does not define your relationship. But the biggest problem couples face is learning how to communicate with each other. Here are 4 tips on how to better communicate with your partner who has ADHD.
1. Educate
Educate yourself on how ADHD affects someone. Most people have a very basic understanding of ADHD. However, if you are dating someone with ADHD, you’ll be better served to dig deeper into this issue. Gain knowledge on the varying symptoms, triggers, and how someone with ADHD struggles to communicate. Learning all of these things will help you see how this affects your partner and your relationship.
2. Don’t Take Everything Personally
It’s hard not to take something personally when you are in a relationship. You and your partner are on the same team. Nobody is perfect, and every one comes with their own set of flaws and mistakes that they will make. But an important rule of thumb for all relationships is to not be offended by everything.
When you have a partner who has ADHD, it’s important to remember that sometimes they may forget something. They may not always be in tune with what you are saying or what is happening. Or they might feel overwhelmed and shut down during communication with you. Trying not to take everything that is said in any relationship personally will usually prevent conflict from rising up.
3. Know They Are Trying
No one asks to have ADHD. If you sometimes feel frustrated, put yourself in their shoes. They likely get super frustrated with themselves. And they end up feeling worse about it.
It won’t always be perfect, but there is something to be said about a person who wants to do better and actively tries. When you do see progress and that they are trying, acknowledge it. You don’t have to praise them in a way that seems condescending, but you can let them know that you see they are making an effort to improve their communication skills.
4. Reflect On Who You Are
No single person or couple will ever be completely perfect at communicating or listening, for that matter. It can be really easy just to blame ADHD on the communication issues in a relationship. The harder route is to look at yourself and think, “What am I doing to contribute to the communication problems? Am I doing anything to trigger my partner?”
At some point, all couples will end up facing challenges with communication. It comes with the territory of dating, relationships, and marriage. But that doesn’t mean that they have to continue to be a huge problem in your relationship.
Even if your partner has ADHD, you can learn to better communicate with each other to meet each other’s needs and find a healthy balance. Reach out to me for help with couples counseling.
