There was a time when they were your everything. Now, you are facing the impossible—divorce. It would be an understatement to say that divorce is a shocking experience. Not only do you go through the emotions and reasons for why the divorce is happening, but you also have to go through the legalities.

Who gets the house? How will the assets be divided up between each person?

Will there be partial or full custody of the children?

What about the visitation rights of one parent? 

Will they need to attend a new school district if one parent moves?

How could this happen?

Divorce, while it may be necessary, can be an utterly painful experience—not to mention stressful and overwhelming.

Grief After Divorce

When we grieve, it’s over the loss of something. It is most often associated with the death of a loved one or friend. But, the general idea behind grief is that it is over a loss. It’s the mourning period that occurs when there is a massive change in a person’s life. A person can grieve for all sorts of reasons, such as:

  • The loss of a job
  • A big move to a completely new location
  • The loss of a pet or furry friend
  • Mourning for things or people that never ended up working out
  • The loss of dreams and hopes that never came true

And, yes, divorce too.

man clasping hands together in front of face who looks nervousHow To Navigate Grief After Divorce

The papers are signed, and you may find relief that it is finally over. You may receive sympathy and understanding over what happened and why. But you may also feel sad. You can feel as if family and friends will judge you for being unable to work things out.

Learning to navigate grief after divorce is challenging. It’s a process that takes time. Just as you go through the stages of grief after losing a loved one, you will experience it after a divorce. First, it’s important to understand how grief can affect a person after divorce. Grieving after a divorce can cycle through the following stages, in any order, and can repeat over time.

The Stages of Grief

  • Acceptance – Noticing how grief impacts your daily life. It is not accepting the situation that happened but rather accepting that it did occur and is affecting you.
  • Denial – You may feel numb, confused, or shut down from your emotions as a way to escape them. You may try to keep really busy and or easy distractions. Forgetting is part of this stage as well, where you just can’t seem to remember small things periodically.
  • Bargaining – This stage is one where you may overthink and worry excessively. There may be a lot of “I should have” statements and “If I had only…” This stage will include guilt, shame, anxiety, and fear of the future.
  • Depression – You may feel sad and have no energy. There may be a lot of crying involved or social isolation. Everything else you have going on in your life can feel overwhelming as you navigate this new chapter.
  • Anger – This stage can include resentment or frustration towards yourself or your ex. It can make you so angry that it may make you aggressive or unintentionally cause arguments with other people in your life.

How To Deal With Grief After Divorce

One Day at a Time

Give it time. Grieving is a process that can go slow, or it may go fast. Every day will feel different as you get accustomed to this new chapter. If one day you feel confident and at ease with your situation, that is great. If you feel like screaming and shouting your frustrations out the next day, there is nothing wrong with that.

Counseling

You don’t need to grieve alone. If you are struggling to cope with the effects of a divorce, don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about grief counseling or depression treatment.