We live in the age of longer lives and possibilities. An age greatly affected by “boomer” culture, TV talk shows, and self-help gurus who encourage us to change, revamp, and make ourselves over.

Enrichment classes encourage us to come by the community center and learn 25 ways to change this and 9 steps to remake that.

But what about our inner selves? Especially once were all grown up and settled in our ways?

Can we really change the stuff that makes us “us”?

Change just ain’t that easy.

Honestly, remaking your personality, like trying somehow to become bubbly and outgoing when you lean toward quiet introversion, is a tall order for the maturing mind.

Such a difficult feat that, well, you might want to spend more time asking why such a mental makeover is important to you and whether it’s really necessary to live the life you want.

Of course, if you do decide to “change,” science and personal experience tell us it’s likely less stressful to incorporate a few inner tweaks to the way you operate than attempting a full assault on your current, ingrained mental state. That way, you focus on learning to express yourself differently, to alter your actions, rather than fight nature and the early imprinting of the way you were nurtured.

You could essentially amend your behavior, without putting too much draining pressure on yourself to completely morph or allowing yourself to succumb to soul depleting, stressful inauthenticity.

Let’s look at this more closely:

Core personality traits? You’re stuck with ‘em.

Realistically, real departure from our true selves would be very taxing and unlikely to stick. Why? Well, psychologist identify personality as five core traits that don’t change much according to mood. These are: openness to experience, conscientiousness, agreeableness, extroversion, and neuroticism. Scientific research over the last century makes the case that these traits have a genetic basis. Because of certain biological factors, your individual way of being and interacting with the world is pretty ingrained.

Additionally, most of us experience our biggest personality growth and shifts throughout puberty and early adulthood. After that time period, we change very little. We tend to progress through the next several decades sort of settling more into ourselves and patterns. So, when we do choose to act against our core nature, it must be just that–a choice–a decision to act or behave differently, rather than really making a permanent break from our original selves.

Change the expression of your core personality traits? That, you can definitely do.

While it is important to recognize that acting in opposition to your true self won’t likely ever become second nature or automatic, it may definitely become easier over time. Practicing out of character behavior routinely helps normalize it. After all, you do have the free will and self-control to employ purposefully, even if they are at odds with with your genetic self. You need not be a victim of your innate personality traits. If you want to behave differently, you can, within reason, if you are mindful and intentional.

For example, if you are a genetically predisposed introvert, you can choose to behave like an extrovert in certain, short term situations that demand more outgoing interaction. For all the people involved in the interaction, you are an extrovert. Of course, if you need to sustain out of character behavior in an ongoing way, you’ll need to prepare for the price you’ll pay physiologically.

Beware: behavioral retraining takes a toll.

You’ll find that working against your natural responses and reactions will wear on you physiologically. You may feel a rise in tension mentally and physically as you redirect your natural impulses. To recover, take care to refresh your mind and body with a return to your true self. Visit with people who know you best, work out, keep a journal.

So, given all this talk of genetic predisposition and personality, behavioral retraining, and more recent research regarding brain plasticity or rewiring… is your 80-year old self just destined to be a wizened version of your 30-year old self?

Or could you remake yourself?

Maybe. But, there’s no evidence to support the idea that we are perpetually soft and moldable lumps of mental clay.

Accept that changing your core self is not the goal.

However, if you are really dedicated and purposefully intentional, you can teach yourself (or employ the guidance of a good therapist) to become better behaved, more aware, and different in approach and perspective.

Just remember to give yourself breaks, be okay with who you are, and restore balance.

Soon, you’ll make some transformative headway and become more the person you hope to be.