Maybe it’s been forever since you both have been intimate with one another.
Or you are both going through a major life transition right now.
Whatever the case, you know that you and your partner are in trouble. And if you find yourself asking, “Do we need couples counseling?”, the answer may actually be, “yes.”
How can you be sure?
Consider some of the most common reasons why couples start to struggle and call for therapeutic intervention. Believe it or not, it’s of utmost importance that you understand the “why.”
At least then, when you go to couples therapy, you won’t be scratching your head wondering, “How did we wind up here?”
1. Undergoing a Major Life Transition
One reason why couples often find themselves in couples therapy is that one or both partners are going through a life transition.
For example, an older couple might struggle when it comes for them to retire. They find themselves spending much more time together. This, in turn, leads to more arguing and disagreement.
On the other hand, a couple who has just brought their first child into the world may also need couples therapy. After all, a baby brings with it a lot of stress and pressure that may not have existed previously.
So, stop for a moment and consider whether you and your partner have experienced a major life transition lately.
2. Experiencing a Decrease in Intimacy
A lack of intimacy can also be an answer to that question, “Do we need couples counseling?”
This includes not just whether or not you are both having enough sex. It also means having affirming, positive touch, such as hand-holding or even hugging. There is also the issue of emotional intimacy.
So, ask yourself: Have you told each other that you love one another lately? Are you both talking to one another in a caring and honest way?
3. Having an Affair
Oftentimes couples don’t participate in couples therapy until it’s too late. This is especially true if one partner (or sometimes both partners) has been having an affair. It means that they are getting not just a physical need but also an emotional need met with someone else.
Also, the betrayal of the affair can permanently damage a relationship if not addressed through therapy. If either one of you has been having an affair, you both definitely need to engage with couples therapy to heal and rebuild your relationship.
4. Fading Flame of Love
Sometimes couples just fall out of love, leaving the flame of their relationship to fade away. There may not be one particular reason for why it happens, but it does.
If you or your partner is feeling unsatisfied in your relationship, it’s time to consider couples therapy.
Perhaps there have been longstanding issues, disagreements, or even conflicts that have caused you both to grow apart. Couples therapy can help sort through all this and hopefully guide you both back to what you had before. Or you have the opportunity to create something new together.
5. Experiencing Illness
If one partner is struck with an illness, that too can be a sign that couples counseling is needed. A major illness, such as cancer, can drain the love from a relationship.
If it’s a long-term illness, one partner might become the primary caregiver for the other. This changes the dynamic of the relationship. And the other partner might feel resentment about this new role.
Also, the sheer emotional and financial stress of an illness can be too much to bear. Without help, your relationship could crack.
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Relationships can be more vulnerable than you realize. Sometimes these vulnerabilities are revealed only after years of problems have built up. In other instances, it comes from a singular event in your life. No matter how it occurs, the question “Do we need couples counseling?” is important to consider.
If you do need help, reach out to me or learn more about couples counseling HERE.
