“What’s wrong with my boy?” you think to yourself. “He always seems sullen and angry. And no matter what I do, he refuses to talk to me about it.”
If you have ever thought this way about your son, you’re not alone.
In fact, adolescent males often struggle with not being able to express their feelings due to unique pressures that they face. This, in turn, can also mean that male teens can be at a higher risk of depression.
However, the answer to the problem of male teen depression is simpler than you might think.
Consider these seven ways to help boys confront unique pressures.
1. Role Model Appropriate Management of Emotions
One of the reasons why male teens have problems with managing and expressing their emotions positively is that there are few good role models to look to. This can be two-fold.
For example:
- Society as a whole has expectations that men should be “tough” or the “strong and silent type.” This is reflected all over the media which teens consume, including music, TV, and movies.
- Within their own lives, there may be few male role models who express their feelings appropriately or show any feelings at all.
Unfortunately, this combination teaches teens that, if you are a male, then showing any emotion besides anger is “bad” or “wrong.” To flip that script, you must make efforts to be a role model to your child or put them in touch with men who can be mentors in that area.
2. Understand and Coach Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence involves being able to recognize and define what you are feeling.
For example, a male teen might say they are angry. Yet, that only scratches the surface. In fact, they may actually be feeling sad. Really, all they know is that they are experiencing a negative emotion, which, without emotional intelligence to guide them, is simply a “bad” emotion.
Understanding and coaching your teen boy in emotional intelligence will give them the language to express their feelings accurately. This, in the long term, can help them with avoiding depression.
3. Know the Difference Between How Teen Boys and Girls Express Themselves
In general (but not always), teen boys and girls will express their emotions quite differently.
For example, a male teen who is experiencing depression might show this by being:
- Angry
- Defiant
- Rude
- Physically violent
- Sullen
On the other hand, a teen girl struggling with depression might be more withdrawn, quiet, or reserved. Also, she will likely be more willing to talk about those feelings as opposed to a boy.
Now, keep in mind that these are generalizations. However, they can help you to keep in mind how each gender may show their feelings.
4. Teach Your Teen Boy To Communicate
Boys often struggle just to communicate and talk about what they are struggling with. Beyond being a role model and teaching them emotional intelligence, it is often necessary to simply teach them how to communicate.
Of course, this can be hard, as they often will want to push away any troubling emotions or feelings. And that’s understandable, especially if those emotions cause a lot of pain.
However, it’s also critical that they are able to accept those feelings and talk about them. It may take a while, but it is possible for a boy to learn this skill.
5. Show Your Teen How to Listen
If one side of the communication coin is expressing oneself, then the other side involves listening. Let’s face it, not everyone is an expert in listening. Many adults have trouble with this, let alone teens.
Yet, it’s still an important skill to learn. That’s because listening helps to reinforce other skills, such as empathy and being more attuned with not just their own feelings but those of others too.
Again, this is an area where you can role model appropriate listening skills. In particular, by the way you listen to them. And that is the next point.
6. Listen to Your Teen
When someone is depressed, they often believe that nobody truly understands them or what they are struggling with. This is also true for male teens who are struggling with depression.
Teenage boys may have all kinds of confusing, conflicting, and distressing emotions going on inside them. Yet, on the outside, they don’t see others struggling with the same problems. Or if they do, nobody is willing to talk about it. This phenomenon promotes isolation, which only reinforces their depression.
Therefore, when you do have conversations with your teen, really take the time to listen and understand where they are coming from. Only when you can see things from their perspective will you be able to truly help them.
7. Nurture the Relationship with Your Teen Boy
Any relationship takes work, and this includes the one with your teen. Be on the lookout for opportunities to nurture the connection between you. For a depressed teen, knowing that their parent is not an obstacle but a resource can be very powerful.
You don’t need an advanced degree to take effective steps against your adolescent’s depression. However, you do need to be aware of the unique pressures of being a male teen in today’s world because that can lead them into depression.
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If, despite you best efforts, your teen is still struggling with feeling depressed and being unable to express their emotions well, please contact me or learn more about depression treatment.
