Make no mistake, shame is a central theme to depression.
Shame is why depression is so deeply rooted and why it can be so hard to conquer depression.
It may be that the shame you feel has its origins in life events that occurred many years ago. And over time, that shame has built up inside you from the negative self-talk that you create.
Those thoughts that you are somehow not worthy or are undeserving creep up on you slowly. It’s why shame is stealthy. Eventually, you can’t imagine having any other outlook on life.
Yet, it is possible to move past shame and conquer depression.
Here’s how.
Identify Your Shame
First, you need to identify what your shame is in order to move past it. This, of course, isn’t easy.
The suggestion of even considering your shame may bring up a lot of emotion. More likely, you’d rather think of anything else besides your shame. It’s that painful!
Yet, to move past the shame you need to know what you’re dealing with. You don’t have to sit with all of those feelings and thoughts at once. Instead, try meditating on one issue related to your shame. How has it influenced your life?
If the feelings get too intense, it’s okay to step away for a little while.
Connect Your Shame to the Depression
Next, understand how your shame is connected to your depression. For example, let’s say that you were bullied as a child about your physical appearance. This caused you to develop feelings of shame about your body.
And these negative feelings about body image may lead you to do certain things in order to deal with the shame, such as:
- Wearing baggy clothing
- Dressing in neutral colors or in ways to not draw attention
- Trying fad diets with no success
- Believing that you are somehow “ugly” or “unlovable”
- Having few relationships to avoid feeling hurt or betrayed
Over time your shame forms a narrative that defines your life. This is how shame is stealthy—it creeps into every aspect of who you are, even though it may have only started with one area.
It’s also why shame is so closely linked with depression. And that’s exactly the reason why you need to understand how shame connects to the big picture so that you can conquer depression.
Conquer Depression by Creating a New Narrative
In order to conquer depression, you need to form a new narrative that allows you to move past your shame. There are several ways to do this.
For example:
- Create a new, more affirming self-talk
- Tell yourself that you are deserving of love
- Remember times when you were successful
- Have new, more positive experiences
It helps to either have an understanding informal group of friends and family member or a formal support group. The key factor though is that they are affirming and supportive of you.
That means you can’t feed off each other’s negative energy. While this can feel supportive, it really just reinforces the old saying “misery loves company.” If that sounds familiar, find people who are positive and willing to help you through this important step in your journey.
Therapeutic Support to Move Past Shame and Conquer Depression
The best way to move past the shame and conquer your depression is with the help of professional therapeutic support. This is because the shame is so ingrained into who you are that it can seem insurmountable.
A therapist will be able to work with you to both identify the shame and understand how it fits into your depression. Plus, they can help you to move past the shame through individual counseling.
Remember, the brain is incredibly flexible. It has the capacity to build new neural connections. That means that even if you have been struggling with shame and depression for years, it doesn’t mean that they have to define your future.
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To truly conquer depression you must first identify, understand, and move past shame. That’s not always easy, as shame is stealthy and can exist in aspects of your life that you never realized. That’s why depression treatment with a therapist who knows both shame and depression can be incredibly helpful.
It would be my pleasure to help you conquer your depression. Please, feel free to contact me.
