A marriage involves two people – two individuals.

When problems arise in a marriage, those two individuals all too often jump at quickly assigning blame. Most likely, though, both of them contributed to their relationship problems.

Of course, they are both responsible for solving their marriage problems. But blaming and taking responsibility are two entirely different things. Blaming and fault finding is judging; taking responsibility is facing the truth.

What about you? Is it time to face the truth and take a good look – at yourself?

Are you willing to do that? Can you take a critical look at yourself and stay open-minded about what you might find out?

Make a Sincere Examination

Take an honest look at yourself and what you bring to the relationship. Rather than focusing on the other, shift focus onto yourself and explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The goal is for you to see your own responsibility in your marriage problems.

You don’t have to like it, but you have to see it!

Ask yourself:

  • What do I expect from my marriage? Do I perhaps have unrealistic expectations? What do I give to support this relationship?
  • Do I really love my spouse? Do I ensure they feel loved? How do my ideas of what love should be effect my perception of marriage? Did I fall in love with my mate because of their physical attributes or their personal qualities? Do I accept them for what they are now?
  • What is the level of my commitment to this relationship? Do I have marriage problems because I don’t really want to be with my spouse? Do I truly want to make this marriage work?
  • How well do I communicate with my spouse? Do I downplay their viewpoint? Or do I really listen, respect their views, and reassure them? Would my mate say that my words hurt or heal?
  • Do I display humility? Am I egotistical and prideful? Do I admit when I make a mistake and apologize? Am I willing to forgive when my spouse apologizes?
  • Do I treat my spouse with respect and affection? Am I assuming my spouse feels valued? Or do I express and show my appreciation? Do I praise them and speak well of them in front of others?
  • Do I understand my mate’s thoughts and opinions? Can I relate to their deepest emotions? Do I put their needs, interests, and preferences ahead of my own?
  • How do I contribute to my marriage problems? Do I create conflict by easily taking offense, getting angry, and saying things that upset my spouse? What does my mate think about the way I handle disagreements?

Turning the Situation Around

In order to fix your marriage, you will have to own up to your mistakes, faults, and failings. However, once you can see your own role in your marriage problems, you can begin making changes.

Improving the connection and communication within your relationship calls for an active and purposeful effort. Consider a few ways:

  • Cultivate genuine love. It will compel you to continue learning about your mate.
  • Learn to see yourself as your spouse sees you. Be as objective as possible and try to understand their viewpoint.
  • Develop sincere humility. It helps you focus on your spouse’s strengths and suppresses your urge to insist on being right.
  • Be willing to give of yourself. The relationship isn’t just about you, it’s about both of you. Make an earnest effort to look out for your mate’s interests.
  • Promote respect. Create an atmosphere of open and honest communication.
  • Don’t let your hurt feelings dominate your thoughts and actions. Learn to handle disagreements peacefully, even if that means sacrificing your personal preferences. Winning a heart is far more satisfying than winning an argument.