When it comes to raising children, there are so many websites, books, and other resources providing parenting tips. These can range from how to handle behavior issues or what foods you should be feeding your child.
However, one topic that you may not see so often is about raising compassionate children. This goes beyond just being nice or polite. It’s how to instill in children a deep sense of compassion that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
While always important, in this instance, parental example is crucial for this process. Keep in mind, of course, that as a parent you don’t have to be perfect. But you are highly influential when it comes to the development of your child.
Here are seven tips for how you can raise compassionate children.
Tip #1: Show How Grateful You Are
One way to raise compassionate children is by showing how grateful you are to your children. There are two parts to this:
- Expressing gratitude to your children directly. For instance, thanking them for when they do something kind or helpful.
- Letting your child see you show gratitude to others, such as your partner.
Both of these examples reinforce how important it is for parents to set an example for their children. Also, if you think for some reason that your child isn’t paying attention, watch out! They are.
Tip #2: Explain the “Why”
Another tip for parents in raising compassionate children is explaining to your child why you’re doing what you’re doing. For example, let’s say that your child sees you express how grateful you are to your partner. Afterward, explain to your child why you expressed your gratitude. It could be because you wanted to show your partner how much you appreciated them.
Then, ask your child if there is someone that they appreciate (such as a teacher). Brainstorm how they can show appreciation to that person. You’ll be surprised how creative and thoughtful kids can be!
Tip #3: Be Supportive and Encouraging to Your Child
Compassion isn’t necessarily something that involves “instruction,” such as an academic subject in school. Rather, raising compassionate children requires more of a coach’s mindset. This means allowing room for your child to practice compassion but also to struggle. It even involves being okay with your child “failing” from time-to-time.
Failure may seem like an awkward word in the sense there is no pass/fail when it comes to compassion. It’s all about having experiences that allow you and your child to learn and grow as individuals. And it’s fine to fall short at times, as long as they (and you!) learn from those experiences and try something different in the future.
Tip #4: Stay Even-Handed When It Comes to Discipline
It’s a common mistake to interject anger when disciplining your child. This is often because those moments occur when both you and your child are emotionally charged. The situation might have been frustrating, embarrassing, etc. This may cause you to say things or discipline your child in ways that are less than compassionate.
You can avoid this from happening in several ways:
- Create some space between what happened and the discipline
- Avoid blaming your child
- Develop a consequence versus a punishment
- Have a consequence that makes sense and is relevant to what happened
- Deliver the consequence in an even-toned voice
There’s a whole art to implementing effective discipline to your child that also includes compassion.
Tip #5: Put Yourself Out There
Don’t just demonstrate compassion to your child in private but then have a different approach in public. This will be confusing and send mixed messages to your child.
You can be an excellent parental example by openly showing compassion to your child and others in public. This reinforces that you practice what you preach and demonstrates consistency.
Tip #6: Do Things Together
Ensuring that your child will listen to you and also see you be compassionate requires that you play an active and involved role in their life. This means doing things together.
One important thing that you can do consistently together is read. Reading allows you to compliment your child when they say a word or sentence correctly. Plus, it’s a great time for bonding. As they get older, it’s important that you find other things that you both like to do together (sports, cooking, crafts, etc.).
Tip #7: Be Patient with the Process
Understand that raising compassionate children, as with bringing up a child in general, is a long-term commitment. This is not a one-time sit-down discussion that you have with your child. Rather, teaching compassion ought to be interwoven into all aspects of their development.
Remember to look at the process positively. It may take some time, but that actually provides an advantage in that there will be so many opportunities for you to show your compassion, and for your child to learn the lesson well.
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There’s no one rulebook for raising compassionate children. However, following the parenting tips mentioned above can help you be the parental example that your child needs to learn what compassion is and how to express it. If you would like to know how I can be of help, please feel free to contact me.
